Thoughts

Thoughts on life....

Friday 3 local senior boys were killed in a car accident.  1 of them the brother of one of S's classmate's and the other 2 friends of her boyfriend's family.

They were driving too fast in the rain and lost control of their car.  Senseless and sad.  

Tomorrow is S's birthday, she will be 15.  It's also the 1 year anniversary of the death of poppa, D's dad.

He had been very sick for a long time but this was still a surprise for us all, especially being on S's birthday.

S often said that poppa was her hero because though he was sick for so long he still got up and tried to deal with life and live it ...even in his pain.  He had COPD and congestive heart failure. He remodeled a kitchen, built a deck and got his house in order.

He was on oxygen for the last several years of his life, and his body just could no longer sustain him.

The night before her birthday S said she prayed and prayed that poppa would not die on her birthday. That he would live at least through that day.  

We got the call at 6ish in the morning for D to get to the hospital.  I immediately went to to Z's room and we began to pray together.  I could not bring myself to go into her room and wake her up with this news.  Because it was early and she is a teenager, she of course was still sleeping.  We called some friends and my brother and they came to the house to sit just in case she and N awoke then Z and I went up to the hospital.  Poppa had passed just shortly after the call came for D to get there.

I had no idea what to say to S.  How do you explain this?  What was I to say to her? Happy birthday and oh by he way poppa has passed?  How do I explain that her prayers were not answered as she wanted them to be?  

I prayed and prayed... I asked God what he was thinking.  I asked why it had to be this day. Why could he not have waited for 1 more day... or even the END of the day??

I am not sure I have gotten an answer that makes it better.  But during the week preparing for his funeral and consoling, S and I were talking... I said to her...

I know you prayed, and I know you feel like God didn't answer your prayers. What I do know is that God heard you.  I think what he wants you to know is that he heard you, and he feels your pain. And he is saying to you 'I know you hurt baby, and I hurt for you, but your poppa needed to come home, he needed to be here more than you needed him there. He's healed now and he's whole and you now have him with you always. And I love you'  His death is the ultimate celebration of life as a Christian, he is in heaven rejoicing, dancing, breathing and probably playing golf. ;o)  He is no longer suffering. 

I pray that over the years she will not see her birthday as a day to grieve but a day to celebrate the life of the man that she called her hero.  That she may view her birthday ...as poppa's birthday as well.  He was welcomed into the arms of his heavenly father... he is home in his mansion. :o)

May the families of those 3 boys also find peace.