Hope Comes in the Morning

It's funny that when God gives you insight, He then gives you some semblance of peace.

We have found out that A's paperwork is completely finished and B's is only one piece away from being ready for court submission. It's a miracle!!!

It looks like we may have a court date in March...or at the very latest April! SO excited about that.

The conundrum is that I was planning to go with BEMM to meet the momma we sponsor and to spend some time with the ministry as well as work on some other things while there in March... and at this point it's on hold. I TOTALLY trade getting my boys with that... but am still a little sad to possibly miss that.

It also means that we need to come up with the money to be able to travel 2 of us, instead of just me.

Gotta get some Africa's sold!! :) Please check them out ... and share with your friends if you aren't ready to buy one yourself. :)

I CANNOT wait to see my boys again and be able to for REAL call them our sons.

Grief

I have struggled.

Seriously, struggled these last several months.

I can't begin to describe to you how I have felt other than unhinged, emotional, and unsteady.

When we found out in December that it was possible that we would not be A's parents it kicked into high gear. The waiting and wondering, the praying, the crying out to God... the feeling that my heart was being ripped from my chest.

If God had not set into motion a relationship a year ago that's flourished into one of family and love... then A would not be now moving into court submission.

I have text a few friends truly concerned that I just could not get a handle on my sadness and ache for all that is in Ethiopia. I am a momma with her arms empty of 2 beautiful boys who I know and love. Have met and hugged and kissed and had call me mom. I have seen their smiles, and tears... I have seen them interact with their friends and nannies. I have watched them with my big A's. They have been grafted into my heart... and they are not here.

I grieve what they will miss. I grieve what they will no longer have. I grieve the special bond that is between Ethiopian people.

Yesterday I had an aha moment.

I believe I grieve so strongly because my boys are going to need me to understand. They are going to grieve it too. They will on a level I will never understand.... but I KNOW... a tiny piece of it. This is some ways gives me comfort... to know that perhaps there is a purpose to my own pain... yet it makes the ache for them that much deeper.

My boys are going to need someone here to GET that what they miss is a piece of their being.

B with his boundless energy and sweet shy smile... and A with his soft voice and sweet demeanor... will for sure have many wonderful opportunities here... but it doesn't replace what they will no longer have.

They will no longer be in an orphanage you say? Well no, they won't but those people have been their family for more than 3 yrs each... they have bonds... they have roots...they have family there. It's sure not the same as family, but it's what they know.

So I am learning to embrace the grief... feel and cry myself through it.. because my boys are going to need me to cry with them ... grieve with them. And we will heal and grow through it.

Moving FORWARD!

So excited to say that we are finally moving in the right direction! :) So excited!!!

The mountain we needed to move was moved. God is so very good!! And He's contining to make things happen.

On the home front there's exciting things happening as well. The boys got their report cards yesterday and N got is first EVER O for Outstanding in Work Habits!! :) And E is now above grade level in subjects that just weren't clicking for him before!! How very cool is that?!

S has been promoted in her her job which means a raise and more hours which is awesome considering the fact that she now has a car payment. The joys of adulthood huh? We are picking out prom dresses and planning graduation.

Fundraising for my trip to ET in March with Because Every Mother Matters AND too see the boys.

Here is a sample of one of the newest creations:

It's 18"H x 17"W each are had distressed and stained so no 2 are exactly the same. The proceeds go towards my trip. 45.00 plus shipping any where in the US. Let me know if you want one... they go pretty quickly! :) LOVE IT!!

Thanks for your prayers and your support!

Mountains Tumbling

Well we have a bit of movement! YAY

B's case only needs one more piece of paper and then can be submitted to court! That's a major step in the right direction.

We still have some issues with A's paperwork. Luckily God has placed some some amazing people in place to help. The mountain seems to be crumbling... rock by tiny rock.

It's been such a hard road. It feels like I am dealing with pregnancy hormones, only this is worse cause at least you know after 9 months there is a baby. In this case... we are on month 12, and still no guarentees....

What has been the best blessing is watching the way people have stepped up. We have had prayers from around the world, texts and phone calls from so many friends, and love shared from places we never could have imagined.

Even had a wonderful friend offer to help us fund raise for my March trip! SO cool!! :)

Busy making more Africa's... wait till you see the newest creation... Loving this creative side. :)

Thanks for the prayers!! Can't wait to share the mountain has crumbled! :)

New African Connections Listed

Hey!
It's been so fun making these wall creations!

We have a couple of new creations ... Check them out
Have had most of them sell out as I make them... be sure to get yours as a gift for a fellow adopting parent, for your new child as a gift... as a beautiful addition to your collection of art. ;) ok... I know that last one is a stretch, but the stained one in particular is beautiful in person. :)

Thanks for helping me AND Because Every Mother Matters

Why am I still here?

I was talking to a man on the phone the other day about my thoughts for the 501c3 I want to start…I have been trying to nail down the concept and information, and was talking about grants and start up costs with him.

He was very intrigued by my idea and then was astounded when I said I had been to Ethiopia 5 times already. Then I was sort of astounded. Really?!! I have been there 5 times? To Ethiopia?! Wow!

Usually when I tell people that I would live there if I could, I get the blank stare. And then the ‘oh really?..... Well that’s NOT for me!” And I giggle.

Today someone said to me that they couldn’t believe I didn’t already live there. And to be completely honest with you, I really can’t believe it myself.

In a conversation with another friend I said to her “WHY?! Why do we want to live in a third world country? Where there are parasites, inflation is CRAZY, there aren’t freedoms there like here, electricity and water are unpredictable and we would be the major minority?” She said…” Cause we’re crazy”

Are we?

Are we crazy?

Perhaps.

But maybe not?

You know what else is there? Beauty. Love. Joy in the little things. Family connections that defy blood relations. There is a pride there that is …. different than what American’s feel which is more entitlement and conceit. The poor help each other.

When you talk to a lot of Ethiopians they would tell you that they may want to visit here, but not live here in America. I think that speaks volumes.

I was talking to my brother T the other day and he asked me why Ethiopia was cursed and so poor? Why had God forsaken them? I didn’t have answer to his perception… all I could give him was mine. That there is so much more beauty and strength in Ethioipa than anywhere I have ever seen. That I have heard from more than one person that they FOUND God in Ethiopia… not that He had forsaken it. I don’t know why there seems to be so much more pain and suffering there than anywhere else? I don’t know why there is such abject poverty. Not that God causes these things to happen… but perhaps in some grand scheme it’s to help people like me and others to realize that there is so much more to life than the car we drive, or the house we live in, or the clothes we wear? Perhaps it’s to help us catch a glimpse of what God wants us to see in others? Perhaps He wants His people to remember to think outside of themselves and at each other?

Logistically I am still here because of E’s meds. Right now they are not available in Ethiopia in the formula we need them to be in, so we stay here. His life is more important than any soul desire I have to live in his country of birth.

When we have A home and stable on meds… and get E on a formula we can travel with we will re-evaluate. I learn more and more that I want my children to know their country, know the beauty, know the hardships and the strength.

Until then, I will pray for those that I miss. I will cry my tears of longing. I will cry out to our Lord for guidance and strength. I will continue to ask for perseverance and wisdom in how to follow Him and serve His people. Right now, clearly my place is here.

In the future? …. As my brother A says… God Knows.

A little update

Life has been a little crazy around here... waiting in limbo has been the hardest part.

We are still waiting for news that B's case has moved through the local court and can be set up to move into the federal court and get us a court date.

And we are still waiting to hear that the 2 pieces of paper have been obtained for A's case to know that he will be ours. I think that's the hardest part ever. The not knowing. It's been the hardest part of this journey. Knowing him, having met him, loving him already and not knowing if he's going to be our son.

There are people around the world praying for him and for us... and we know He sets the lonely in families...we just pray that this lonely one gets to be in this family!

A sweet fellow adoptive mom and new friend was there a couple of weeks ago and sent me a videos of both boys. SWEET! :)

I am working on setting up a 501c3 to help families with travel which will in turn help some of the projects we work with in Ethiopia. I am really excited about this. I am ready to move into a new season in life!! I will let you know more as it comes closer.

I am trying to get to Ethiopia in March, praying it will be able to include a court date!! :) But I will be doing some ground work for the 501c3 and going to with BEMM to visit the mom we sponsor.

I have started a little fundraiser that I hope will help. Check it out here,

Thanks for the prayers!! I will be posting some pics and updates on the littles soon! They are growing like WEEDS! :) God is Good!!