As it turns out, I am not settling so well. Me, the super mom, the one that has to take care of everything, because of course no one else can do it quite the same way... is not really so super. I have spent the better part of the last 4 days either in tears or on the verge. This is SO totally not like me. I am also a stress eater and I am not eating... so I knew there was something pretty wrong with me.
Yesterday was a pretty tough one, E was in a rare mood and had at least 6 30+ minute tantrums, and by the 6th one I was in tears right with him. There is so much that we have to learn about each other and we have been handed a ton of extra baggage to share on top of it. When we brought N home we had some tough times but we didn't have 7 IV med times a day, no dressing changes, no oral meds ...that he doesn't like, we just had to get to know each other. I like that way SO much better...lol
I have prayed constantly for some relief, for some rest, for some help. Well, I believe I have been like that guy in the story that is in a flood and on his roof and prays for help. God sends a couple of boats and a helicopter and the guy tells them to go away God will save him. The guy gets to heaven and asks God why He didn't save him, and God says... I sent you boats and the helicopter and you refused it.
Today I went to visit a counselor, and guess what she said? You're normal... you've just been given some major blows and it's become too much. hhhmmmmm well really??!! I said to her, so ... what do I do? She told me to utilize my friends, and family. To get out and away for an hour a day. I need to use all those people that have asked me... "What can I do?" Now I can tell them come to my house for an hour.
I have also come to realize that perhaps I am not super mom? Perhaps there are others that can do the job as well. Right now I am the only mommy here, but Grandmas are great stand in's and are willing to help. D will be home tomorrow, and hopefully all next week. The IV should be out in Tuesday and we may have some normalcy and sleep.
Humble pie, isn't it grand?