Thursday, September 11, 2008


I am not sure if I should post this...or how exactly I will word it, but I think maybe there is someone out there that will understand... or perhaps you will just tell me to shut up and quit whining. ;o)

As it turns out, I am not settling so well.  Me, the super mom, the one that has to take care of everything, because of course no one else can do it quite the same way... is not really so super. I have spent the better part of the last 4 days either in tears or on the verge.  This is SO totally not like me.  I am also a stress eater and I am not eating... so I knew there was something pretty wrong with me.  

Yesterday was a pretty tough one, E was in a rare mood and had at least 6 30+ minute tantrums, and by the 6th one I was in tears right with him.  There is so much that we have to learn about each other and we have been handed a ton of extra baggage to share on top of it. When we brought N home we had some tough times but we didn't have 7 IV med times a day, no dressing changes, no oral meds ...that he doesn't like, we just had to get to know each other. I like that way SO much

I have prayed constantly for some relief, for some rest, for some help.  Well, I believe I have been like that guy in the story that is in a flood and on his roof and prays for help.  God sends a couple of boats and a helicopter and the guy tells them to go away God will save him.  The guy gets to heaven and asks God why He didn't save him, and God says... I sent you boats and the helicopter and you refused it.

Today I went to visit a counselor, and guess what she said?  You're normal... you've just been given some major blows and it's become too much.  hhhmmmmm well really??!! I said to her, so ... what do I do?  She told me to utilize my friends, and family.  To get out  and away for an hour a day.  I need to use all those people that have asked me... "What can I do?"  Now I can tell them come to my house for an hour.  

I have also come to realize that perhaps I am not super mom?  Perhaps there are others that can do the job as well.  Right now I am the only mommy here, but Grandmas are great stand in's and are willing to help.  D will be home tomorrow, and hopefully all next week.  The IV should be out in Tuesday and we may have some normalcy and sleep. 

Humble pie, isn't it grand?  


Cindy said...

You have had a lot put on your shoulders. I am glad that you were able to talk to someone about it. I really hope that your newest member starts feeling better soon...and that momma starts feeling like superwoman again soon. Best Wishes.

Mugsey said...

Well not supermom but definately the God chosen Mom for little E. Humbling helps us remember how much we can't do this....The best part of that is that He can. He equips us for what He chooses for us. Sometimes equiping is found in that counselor, friend or family member. I've often had those I'm the only one that can do it(care and protect my children)right. Thats usually when I fail the biggest in the area I thought I was doing so well. My prayers keep continuing for you and your family. Hoping for a new normal, or at least a place of peace in your spirit. Hugs Michelle

Andrea said...

Yes, your behavior is very normal. Look at everything you are doing. So from now on, see first of all if your family can help and than your friends. You cannot be supermom anymore. The two things that I would do is when I lose my mind is (I am a looner and am not too good with friends when I am upset), so I go on a lonnnnng walk by myself or I take my bible and go to a quiet place away from home. Lastly, if you are dealing with so many tamper tantrums, you might think about kick boxing for yourself. That really releases some serious stress. I will keep praying for you and please email me if you have very specific prayer request. You are a strong woman and I know times will get better!

Andrea said...

Michelle, yes, the times I think I have it together ARE those times that I find that I don't.
I can't tell you all how much this journey has taught me. I have been shown SO much from the reliance I have on God, to the amazing way my husband has stepped up to the plate. That perhaps I am not the only one who can take care of things, and that although there are times that I feel completely lost and out of sorts, that I am not, and that I do have a father in heaven that loves me and amazing family and friends that love me as well.

Bergmama said...

I have been keeping your son in my prayers, and I'll be praying for you during this tough time, too. Just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers!!! Hang in there!