toddlers continued

lol, so the honeymoon, happy week is gone. ;o)

We have decided that we are no longer happy with the world, and that we don't need to listen to anything mommy or daddy say.

What fun! ;o)  NOT.

I think perhaps I spoke to soon in saying he was a happy boy again.  

I know this is all part of the 'plan', the adoption roller coaster, this little dude has been through a ton and he has things he still feels like he has to control.  The unfortunate thing is that some of them are things he just can't, and we have to assert some boundaries.  It's tough for a little guy to get that.  

So say a little prayer for both Little E and mommy that we can navigate these difficult times and the good that comes with them.

How 'bout them Redskins!!!

That's all I got to say!!!

Victory

In the post "no tubes" we weren't sure if E would take his meds by mouth.

Well, yesterday was a med day so we prepared his medications, brought him into the kitchen got out our back up tube 'just in case' and got to see what he would do.

At first he wanted to fight it.  But eventually he got most of the first one down.

Then was the next one, one that he didn't like in ET.  He really fought that one, so we acted like we were done trying, and prepared to "insert" the tube.  He decided that we meant business and down went his yucky stuff!!!

YAY!!!  We were able to call the home health nurse and tell her she wouldn't need to come by, that we had been victorious, but would call her again on Wednesday if need be. ;o)

He is one smart little cookie.  

So far there isn't anything he LIKES well enough to get him to take meds, but we have found something he DISLIKES enough to get him to take them.  

We still have a road ahead of us.  He has to go back on his daily medication, and while they figure out what it is they are going to put him on, we have a surgical appointment scheduled for October.  They are still not sure if we can trust that this tactic will work daily. 

Pray that we are able to come up with a solution that doesn't require surgery. But if it comes to that, that we find peace with it.

Internet

So I have a jump a tiny but off adoption topic, although not so far I guess.  

But I have to say that I LOVE the internet.  I don't think I am really obsessed or anything, but it has changed my life in SO many ways.  The biggest way I think is in the friends I have made and those friendships changing my life.

I have a friend that I met on a forum for adoption through the first agency we used for bringing N home.  At first it was just forum talk, but we began to email and we found out that we had almost parallel lives, I know it sounds VERY weird, and first I wasn't sure what to make of it.  But what we have found through probably a thousand emails and several phone calls is that God placed us in each other's lives so that we would have someone to talk to about adoption, or children, those hard times, and our faith in Him.  Many a time we have lifted each other in prayer, cried for each other and laughed with each other.  We have a kinship in our faith in the Lord and in the place that our children were born.  We have never met in person, but we know that someday we will, and it will be like old friends reuniting.  

Without the internet we would never have met.

While we were researching our second adoption I was an avid reader of a very special person's blog.  And through reading this blog, and subsequently emailing, and speaking to her on the phone, we found our 4th child.  We have again spent countless hours emailing each other, and bless her heart she has answered every one.  While we were in ET she even answered the phone at an ungodly hour here in the US (I miscounted the time..sorry!!!) to answer this panicked mom's cry for help.  And has spent countless other hours since we have been home keeping up and just being an amazing sounding board.  I can't even begin to tell you what her support, faith and help have done for me.  

I read so many blogs, many of you read mine.  I feel like I have this family out there whom I have never met but have changed my life in ways many of you may never know.  The prayers the comments, the emails, the calls....they are felt, and VERY much appreciated.  

In a time when the internet can be such an ugly and scary, I have found some good.  Better than good! ;o)

Toddlers

oh what joy ;o)

I was speaking to my friend today and she asked me if I ever wondered why I decided to adopt this age again.  And I told her if I was honest, yes of course I have... toddlers are hard.  Toddlers that have been through what mine have, are a special case.

But there are times like tonight when I look at my boys and think... "Man!  We hit the jackpot 4 times!"  Who needs the lottery?

We have always thought that our older 2 were amazing blessings, and though far from perfect are part of the reason we decided to adopt.  We felt like we had already been so blessed that we wanted to do it again.  When we got N home, it was incredibly hard, but we came to have those days when we just sit back and think "ok God, thank you for this blessing!  How did we GET SO LUCKY?!"  N is such a great kid.

We are starting to have those days with E.  Days where the faces he makes, the motions he does, the little squeal he makes when he runs through the house, the look on his face when he's telling you to be quiet because he's going to sneak up on daddy... those are the moments that make me want to reach up and just plant a HUGE kiss on my heavenly fathers cheek and say "Thank you dad"  

We are still having health issues, still some unknowns, still tantrums, and the glare, and the shoulder... but these are fewer.  We are starting to see the real little E and he's just so precious. He adores his brothers and sister, he loves his daddy, snuggles on his momma, and even loves the dogs.  

N needs some prayers though, his adjustment is hard, he's having some pretty bad acting out issues.  He wants so badly to be a good brother, but he just doesn't get the whole not being the center of attention.   Poor little man.  

Look mom no tubes

We were able to take out the ng tube today.  We may have to learn to reinsert it ourselves, however when we attempted to give him a tiny bit of benadryl to see how he would do, we showed him the tube and he took the meds immediately.

SO.... say a little prayer that this keeps up!  Because next step is surgery.  ;o(

Here are some cute pics from today of both boys.  Can you tell my N is a ham?  SO cute!

Oh Dear

So yesterday was such a great day.

I stopped by mom's house after dropping N off at preschool and we took E to a little park close to her.

He is getting stronger and more adventurous every day.  He LOVES to slide. He will climb up and slide down all day long.  Which is kind of a feat for him because his legs are still kind of weak.  

We walked along a path to another park and this time there were 3 slides.  And a sort of wobbly bridge in the middle.  The kind of wobbly they do on purpose.  Well at first E wasn't so keen on going over the bridge, it's a bit scary when you aren't too steady on your feet.  But he conquered it after a few times and ended up walking over it all by himself.  So cool!

He then found a new fun game, have mommy sit at the bottom of the slide while he slides into her....lol  Luckily he's a tiny kid. ;o)

He would climb up and tell me "SHOES" (translated: I am going to slide down and bonk you with my shoes and we are going to laugh hysterically)

This is a game I think he could have played for hours.  After he slid into me he would cuddle and laugh and say a slew of Amharic words. I sure wish I knew what he was saying.

We had such a great day.  Then it became bedtime.

Daddy was going to put him to bed, and he began to kind of freak out wanting me to do it.  This is the first time this has happened.  Weird. Poor daddy.  He ended up taking care of it, but Little E wasn't so happy.  Then didn't sleep so well the rest of the night.  I am taking this as a good sign, if not a hard one, that he's settling in and beginning to get that I am the momma.  I just hope daddy doesn't lose out on the process.  

Oh, and E has also begun this thing where when you are saying good bye...if he's not mad at you and throwing the shoulder...lol...he will lean in to kiss you and say "I Love you" clear as day. We were leaving S to go get N from preschool and he went to her without provocation, leaned in for a kiss, waved and said "I love you"!  SOOOOO awesome!

God is SO good!!!

Ode to Z

So I was thinking that I haven't really talked about my Z much, so I thought I would take a moment and tell you a bit.

He's my oldest son.  He's the guy I have grown up with.  I started mommy-hood at a young age, so growing with him has been an adventure.  Not always easy, especially for him, but I can see so many places that God has used our circumstances for His good.

Z is currently a college student.  He's attending a local bible college, he also attends the church that runs the school. He loves the Lord and he loves his church.  He's extremely responsible, but he's also got the whole 18 yr old attitude thing going on. ;o) 

He helps to run a small group or Cell group for middle school kids.  He's a great leader.  

He LOVES his church, he's so excited about all the great things they are doing.  It's exciting to watch him grow in the Lord and be so excited about what the Lord is doing in his life and the life of his church.

Friday

k I am jumping on the Friday bandwagon.... ;o)

It's been a MUCH better week.  I am not sure if I can even tell you how much better this week has been than last week.  Although I guess if you keep up with the blog you would know. ;o)

The days have been SO much easier, our little "light bulb" boy is ON much more than previously and it's a ton easier to get him back on track than before.  It's almost as of we removed the IV and something unhappy was removed with it.  Now of course it can't have been comfortable, and no fun to be strapped to that thing all the time.  But's like he now feels like he can relax some.  

We have been out to a restaurant, to the mall, and all over the place this week and he's been an angel.  We went into a local store called Fresh Market today and he was so funny.  He was looking at the flowers and fruits and painted pumpkins going "wow! wow! wow!"  

Tonight Z was over and we were all rolling on the floor tickling and playing.  We started some tummy raspberries, but E pretty much just spit on us so we kind of stopped that quickly.

Thank you for your prayers and support!!!

God is Good!

Good day...and a funny

What a good day!  I was a little worried when E woke shruggin the shoulder and giving the death glare...lol  But N woke up, we had a little breakfast and all was right in the world again.

E has just really softened in the last day or so... he's become a bit of a snuggle bug.  LOVE IT.  And he's such a little hummer.  He hums stuff all the time. It's so cute!

Mom, E and I took a little field trip to Trader Joes today (it's like 35 mins away), he was great the whole time and so cute.  We had like 5 people ask id he was adopted and then bless us.  It was a bit weird because when we are out with N people just stare... not really sure what it was all about.

oh well, it was a Better than Good Day!

Funny:

We were at the pet store picking up dog stuff and we stopped to look at fish tanks.  We are thinking of getting a fish tank for the boys... just gold fish.

As we are looking at the tanks, they have little princess decorations on some of the tanks.

N says: Mom?!

Me: Yes N?

N says: When we go pick up a little girl can we get her this fish tank?

Dad and I burst out lauging....

Me: I don't think we will be picking up any girls any time soon. ;o)

N: (disappointment) ahhhhhh

We are free!!!

We went to the Dr again today and we are now free of the IV!!!  YAY!!!  Sleep here I come!

I know Little E is so much happier without it, I can't imagine having to deal with that every day. We are down to 2 meds twice a week so there is a ton of good stuff that came from today's visit.

I think E was happy to have it gone because he followed me around the rest of the day.  This is a new thing for him. ;o)  We are taking tiny little baby steps but I think we are beginning to go in the right direction.

Oh my goodness!!!  SO MAD!  We have AT&T for our cell phone carrier... they stink!!!  We have texting and counted on having it while we were in ET since we knew we would need to contact the kids.  The plan was to text them when we were near a phone and have them call us.  This would a .50 charge as opposed to calling at 3.49 per minute.... or any part of  minute.  We were assured that texting was available.  SO guess what it wasn't and their tech team had no clue what to do, nor did they ever call us...they kept texting us and saying to text them back.  DUH!!! So we got our bill, it's NUTS!  I called and said I wanted the 1 - 2 minute calls to be pro-rated to the texting charge since they couldn't figure out how to make it work. I was told they would. WELL, today  get an email saying they won't do it. We are responsible for the whole thing.  I am not asking them to take the whole bill, I did have to make other calls on it, I wanted the ones that clearly could have been .50 texts.  SO mad, and the arrogant supervisor that I waited 30 minutes to talk to was no help.  SO MAD!  As soon as it's not going to cost me an arm and a leg, we are dropping them.  Their coverage stinks anyway.

lol...hhhmmm perhaps it's a good thing I started a new bible study tonight.  From the looks of the rant above, I may need it. ;o)  

More fun

Here are some pics of the kids having fun out back...

And then the boys taking an afternoon siesta... 

Recharged

Nothing like a new day and praising the Lord to bring new life.

My honey came home yesterday and immediately took over... THANK YOU God for my husband! But then we got ourselves together and went to the Music Builds concert.  There was Jars of Clay, Robert Randolph Family Band, Switchfoot and Third Day... my favorite.  

We had SO much fun. And being surrounded by a couple thousand people and my closest friends, praising God, lifting hands and signing so loud I can't speak... it's GOOD stuff.

This week when I was in one of my darkest moments, I was laying in bed with my Ipod listening to a song from Third Day's newest cd called Call My Name.  As I listened I just called out to Jesus (well silently because everyone else was asleep ;o))  But I felt so much release and peace afterwards, and to be able to actually cry out last night in the concert was a blessing.

Then as you can tell from my previous post we got to meet them.  I am such a dork I had so much to say but so little time so I just said "Thank you".  Thank you for listening to God, for hearing His word and sharing through your music so that when we are in our dark days you can help us cry out to Jesus in ways that we may not be able to on our own.

We have had a really great day today.  Again my hubby let me sleep in, and I feel SO much better.  Then we went outside to play and pick up sticks and stuff from the "hurricane" Hanna, and mow and swing on the swing set.  

God has been faithful to hear my cry for help.  Thank you LORD!

Fun

Look what we got to do last night... This was after a long night of hot air and praising the Lord, I don't even really recognize me...lol But it's really us and and that's really Third Day!!!!!

Foot Fetish?

So S was sitting with E after we had tried to awaken him from a nap.  He decided that it wasn't time to wake up and used her foot as a pillow.  He had a death grip on her toes so that she couldn't get up...lol

Not all work...

Here is a few pics of the boys playing together...

P.S.  I just happened to notice the date on the camera...lol  oops

Normal?

I am not sure if I should post this...or how exactly I will word it, but I think maybe there is someone out there that will understand... or perhaps you will just tell me to shut up and quit whining. ;o)

As it turns out, I am not settling so well.  Me, the super mom, the one that has to take care of everything, because of course no one else can do it quite the same way... is not really so super. I have spent the better part of the last 4 days either in tears or on the verge.  This is SO totally not like me.  I am also a stress eater and I am not eating... so I knew there was something pretty wrong with me.  

Yesterday was a pretty tough one, E was in a rare mood and had at least 6 30+ minute tantrums, and by the 6th one I was in tears right with him.  There is so much that we have to learn about each other and we have been handed a ton of extra baggage to share on top of it. When we brought N home we had some tough times but we didn't have 7 IV med times a day, no dressing changes, no oral meds ...that he doesn't like, we just had to get to know each other. I like that way SO much better...lol

I have prayed constantly for some relief, for some rest, for some help.  Well, I believe I have been like that guy in the story that is in a flood and on his roof and prays for help.  God sends a couple of boats and a helicopter and the guy tells them to go away God will save him.  The guy gets to heaven and asks God why He didn't save him, and God says... I sent you boats and the helicopter and you refused it.

Today I went to visit a counselor, and guess what she said?  You're normal... you've just been given some major blows and it's become too much.  hhhmmmmm well really??!! I said to her, so ... what do I do?  She told me to utilize my friends, and family.  To get out  and away for an hour a day.  I need to use all those people that have asked me... "What can I do?"  Now I can tell them come to my house for an hour.  

I have also come to realize that perhaps I am not super mom?  Perhaps there are others that can do the job as well.  Right now I am the only mommy here, but Grandmas are great stand in's and are willing to help.  D will be home tomorrow, and hopefully all next week.  The IV should be out in Tuesday and we may have some normalcy and sleep. 

Humble pie, isn't it grand?  

Settling

I think we are settling in now.  Not necessarily to a routine but getting used to each other some.

We have been home...actually in the house now for 5 days.  

D had to go out of town yesterday for the week and at first I was really upset.  The round the clock meds and 3 kids to deal with on my own wasn't something I was ready to do on my own. Well as it turns out if I had been taking my own medication then I would probably have felt better much sooner...lol  DUH!

I was beginning to think I was having some post adoption depression, and as it turns out it was just post adoption duh!  If I don't take care of myself, then I can't take care of others.  

So on top of medication, I make sure that when I can, I do, sleep.  E sleeps, I sleep.  ;o)  I am not stressing a messy house.  I try to keep things "clean" as in not dirty, but not very straight.  

E is having less melt down, and more love bug.  YAY!

He's so funny he does this thing where he pulls my neck so that our faces touch and he does this little hum thing.  So sweet... and some times he says...mommy while he's humming.  I love it.

N has really had a rough week.  With Daddy gone and E at home he's no longer got me for full attention, and he developed an addiction to the TV while he was in his sister's care.  So we are trying to end the addiction and add a brother.  Withdrawls are a BEAR!!!   His listening ears have been lost some where in Wiggle land I think.  Little man needs prayer and momma needs prayer to help him through this.  

I think once we are able to get into a real routine, meaning no meds, not worrying about hurting E then we can start allowing them to play more naturally, as well as interact more easily.  

We have one more week of the IV we think so YAY, then we will also have more sleep. ;o)

High School

ok, so I have to jump a bit off topic here.

This year would have been my 20 year reunion, my son graduated high school and my daughter started her first year.  

I didn't make my reunion, we weren't sure when we would be traveling so I didn't want to make plans to go and then not attend.  We still live in the same city so it's not like I would have had to travel anywhere.  So a few weeks ago I get this email that some alumni created a network online for graduates.  And then while in the hospital one of our nurses was a guy I graduated with... small world huh?!

Anywho... I have spent some time on this site that was created... my goodness... SO many memories!  Do you remember high school?  So many changes happen in high school huh?  So much growing up.  I wasn't the most popular, and didn't really have a clique... I was just kind of friends with everyone.  I was also a TON more shy, less secure, definitely not the faith I have now.  It's funny how things change huh?  I sure wouldn't want to go back, but it has been so much fun seeing those people I used to know... used to think my world revolved around.   I am SO glad my world revolves around what it does now.  My God, my family, my husband my children.

Life is better than good!

We're hooooooommme

Well, we were sprung on Thursday.

Phew, I forgot what it's like to adjust to a new little person. ;o)

This little guy has definate tastes and ideas and if you don't comply... uh oh...lol Friday was a tough day, tantrums and shoulder shrugs. ;o)

This morning was SO much fun though.  The boys were running around the house acting like they were going to scare each other.  E is still strengthening his legs so he's not quite as fast. But they were giggling and running and having so much fun!  

At one point I was laying on the floor on my back he was sitting on my tummy, and he would act like he was dancing then lean over and give me kisses.  It was so fun!

Then a bit later I walked into another room, he came looking for me and launched himself at me with laughter and kisses.

THIS is why we have children!!!!

We're going home ...we're going home

If you could see me, I am doing the Happy Dance!!!!

We are getting sprung today!!  Sometime between 1230 and 5... kind of a long spread, but there is a lot to coordinate once he gets home so they are making sure the have it all together... which I appreciate, since they really haven't had it all together up until now.

I have NO clue when I will be able to post again as we will have adjusting to do, meds to administer, and fun to have...lol

Thank you all for your prayers and support... wee haw we are going home!!!

Article

There was an amazing article in the USA Today, as well as many other papers, about a truly amazing family I know. 

You can read it here .

The unfortunate thing is that many comments are disturbing... to say the least. Makes me wonder the "diseased" ones are... so sad to see that there is still so much ignorance in the world.

• HIV is NOT casually transmitted.
  
• You can NOT get it by a mosquito bite.  (really?  come on, if mosquito's were carrier's we would ALL have it)
  
• Children adopted are NOT placed in the "system". Adoptive parents go through very stringent applications and have to prove healthcare coverage and means to care for the children.  
  
• Children in daycare can NOT transmit casually.
  
• Person's on ARV's can and DO live long, normal, healthy lives.
  
• HIV is easier to manage than Diabetes.
  
• ALL children deserve homes and love, and those that adopt have every right to make the decision right for their own family.
  

 

The complexities of a toddler

Our little E has been through so much ...even before we met him...things we will never know about.  And still he tries to be in a good mood.

We have joked several times in the past couple of weeks that he's very much like a light bulb, he's on and off so fast sometimes that we aren't sure what happens to change his mood.  The more we get to know him though the easier it is to see how his little brain seems to be working.  He's a SMART little guy.  There isn't much that get's past him, and if you try to pull one over on him, you will almost always get caught.  He's got one of the most beautiful smiles.  And he's a little ham.  SO cute!  He LOVES 101 Dalmations, we have watched it 101 times I think while in the hospital... it's the cartoon version, and am convinced that he's going to begin speaking English using a British accent and calling everyone an idiot.  (if you have every watched the original you will know what I am talking about ;o))

This is also a kid that has had to live through some pretty awful stuff so he's got a stubborn streak and attitude when crossed.  He's got this face that he makes when he's really mad that makes me giggle, so it really helps me to keep myself from getting caught up.  I am not sure how it helps him when he's yelling intently at me and I am laughing.

I think alot about what he will be like when we are home and he is able to just be himself and be a kid and play and argue with his siblings.  

Maybe tomorrow?

A light

Little man is still in the hospital.

Can I just tell you that this is SO not fun!!!

I can see so many reasons that this is where we are supposed to be for now, but it's still so very hard.  It may be a great hospital, but the 4 walls still close in on you as you sit, day after day.  I find myself many times thinking of the parents there that don't have a light at the end of their tunnel.  Their children that won't be going home, at least not to the one made of wood and nails. I think of the little boy in the room next to us who was struck by a car and will never be the same little boy again.  The loss there is hard to see every day.  

I think of the mothers in Ethiopia that watch their children die as they hold them and am reminded that they would give anything to be "stuck" in this place.

Who am I to complain? Our Dr thinks they have identified all the flora and fauna growing on the wound on Little E's head.  Well most of them, some are new to them... E's been a great science experiment for the lab folks. ;o)

We will be on meds for quite a while, but things we should be able to administer at home.

We are all SO looking forward to getting home and as N says "Be a family again".

Oh speaking my little N, he's SO missing the family core.  He's been struggling with this situation the most I think.  He will start Preschool again tomorrow, I think it will be SO good for him to be able to go be with his friends and play and learn.  To get some normalcy.

So N goes to Preschool and S starts high school tomorrow.  She has to catch the bus at 550am... can you even imagine?!  I can't!   Say a little prayer that she gets up in time.  ;o)