Friday night Z came over for dinner. We were having a nice dinner until he began to tell me my faults as a parent including being arrogant and holier than thou, as well as facilitating and perpetuating family arguments. This was all over a nice dinner. geez... nothing like hearing your faults from one of your kids. Our history is a long one, his father and I are divorced, have been for 17 yrs. We started young and I know I wasn't always the best mom, I know I have some faults... but these words still hurt. Heck I was feeding him dinner and enjoying family time and then ... bam! Out came the barbs.
I decided to take it to the Lord. I didn't react to him. Just listened and waited to see if there were truth to his words. And to be completely honest went to sleep licking some wounds. As little E would say "That's no nice!"
I do know that I don't react well when other's are in a bad mood...lol I tend to then get in one, I have struggled with this for a long time. I have prayed about it for a long time too, I WANT to be the one to pull others out of their moods. I just usually am not that person, and it does totally bug me.
Then Saturday morning I was workin out, trying to work out some of my angst by punching and kicking with my Turbo Jam. And I kid you not the 40 minute work out took me 2 hours because the little guys would not stop whining, fighting and were over all not great. Every 5 minutes I was stopping the DVD, panting and sweating and asking them to stop what ever it was that was causing the other to scream. I ended up sending myself to my room after D came home because I was just in a foul mood. Punching and kicking weren't working.
So today, church was great, Sunday school was great. Then we get home and S pulls a teen moment. ugh, if you parent them... or if you have been one... you know what those are... where the teen tries your last nerve and makes you angrier than you really should be.
Button pushers... ALL of them. ;o)
These are the times when D says to me... "And you want MORE?!" And I can almost agree with him. I want SO badly to be a good mom. I want to give my kids happy times. I don't want to be holier than thou, I don't want to be the strict one. But I am also very aware that it's not my job to be their friend. I am very aware that I don't always make good parenting choices.
So for you parents out there... what do you do? How do you move past the teen barbs and painful remarks? How do you move past it when you have a morning when you just want to run out the door screaming because you just can't listen to a 4 yr old whine one more time?
I want to count my blessings. I know I am blessed, I do know that. It's just not always easy to remember those things when you are trying your best to be your best and fail miserably.
lol, it just occurred to me that I might need to go back to my God is Good post... maybe it will help? ;o)