Crisis of faith

Today was one of those days.

We got a new short update on Little E and it wasn't great, but did hold some promise.  

Then we were asked... because it's protocol... due to the 'unknowns' and new developments in his health...did we still want to proceed with his adoption?

Well to be honest at that point I had had some very real fears but the thought of disrupting hadn't really occurred to me.  I called D and told him what the update was and then asked him what he thought about proceeding.  We had some pretty serious discussion.  I mean it's a valid question, we already had some unknown's and now there were more.  Several complications from his recent illness could cause long term issues.  

I took a moment of quiet prayer... and felt like I heard God saying to me "Trust ME... you have trusted me this far... TRUST me!"  I asked a few friends for prayer.  But it didn't really take long.

I kind of had this moment of DUH!  although duh isn't really strong enough of an emotion (is Duh even an emotion?).  

I thought to myself, this is my son!  MY son.  What am I thinking?  How do I tell him no now? God brought him through his illness, I believe for a reason... and I do NOT believe it was so that he could wait to possibly die without a family!  I honestly could not even fathom the guilt and pain I would carry the rest of my life if I left him there.  I would be leaving my child.  This little boy whom we pray for by name every night.  We pray that God would encamp angels around him and lift him up and tell him that mommy and daddy are coming.  How do we just say no to him?  We don't.  It's as simple as that.  We don't.  God set this in motion.  He placed this child in our path and He brought him back from deaths door.  

I called D again told him my thoughts ... and he said... ok, it's not an issue, we will trust God and bring him home as planned.  

Now it may not be an easy road.  In fact it could be pretty hard, but we won't be alone.  We will have God with us.  And the support of some pretty amazing friends.

D did say to me that God would give us confirmation.  Well guess what?!  He did!!!  In the form of email.  Well several, but some from friends that lifted us in prayer and support.  But then one from KLove's Pastor Jeff.  He said that they had prayed for us today and sent scripture along to strengthen us.  One of the scripture's was Isaiah 43.  I honestly felt like God had just emailed me with the confirmation we needed.  

Crisis over... we choose to trust God!