Sorry for being cryptic yesterday...had to work out some stuff with God and Hubby.
God wins.
I found out yesterday that one of the sweetest babies that I got to love on while in ET is now a waiting child. She doesn't have a family to love her. There were no waiting families that wanted her.
Shoot writing this is harder than I imagined....
When I found out I thought perhaps I had misread God's leading that now is not the time to adopt again. How could I have been given the joy of holding her and loving her and praying over her, only to find out that she could actually be mine?! Was it too good to be true?!
My heart hurts for her... I HATE that she's still there waiting. I can still feel her tiny little body in my arms.
I spoke to D about it and he still says no. He still feels as though this is not the plan for us. He's still sure.
There's a part of me that truly knows that too... I just don't understand it. I don't understand why!!!
Why aren't we supposed to adopt again...I know HE knows how many children need homes. I know HE knows that I would take another child in a heart beat. I know HE knows we still have a room in our home that could use filling.
I also know that HE knows that there's another family out there that will love that sweet baby girl.
Just this morning while I was still praying about this…I felt like God was stirring some other thoughts. Moving me towards the plan He has for us. A plan I think D would be …and is willing to stand with me on.
It’s not that D doesn’t feel for the children that are waiting…he does…he just is not feeling God’s plan is to adopt them ourselves.
So we move forward with the mission team… we move forward in showing others the need that’s out there. We move forward in praying for His leading in how best to care for the poor and hurting and lonely.
He is:
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing... Psalm 68: 5&6
So we do not get to love a sweet baby girl, that I cannot forget…but we move forward knowing someone else will. Knowing God loved her first…and will love her last…and another family will get to in between.
If you would like to know more information about her contact Adoption Ministry of YWAM - Ethiopia ...or email me and I will put you in touch with the person you need to speak to.
9 comments:
Andrea - This is so hard. We went through so many years of the same feelings when we weren't on the same page. I know that God is using you though. Maybe someone will read your blog and come forward to bring home the baby.
Thank you for sharing your heart.
Much love,
Amy
Hmph. Sometimes life is just plain hard. There's so much pain and suffering we see happening and want to help, but it's often hard to know what our role is.
I am confident that God is using this precious baby in your life - just in a way you may not recognize yet. I'm praying for peace and comfort for you as you continue to cry out to Him.
Maybe His plan for you at this moment is to help those waiting children in ET and maybe the rest of the world to go to families that need them and vice versa. Then maybe he'll work on D with adoption in the future.
I think the best voice for ANY child that needs a family is one who wants them or wants the best for them. And right now it is your voice He is using.
It's just a fleeting thought and you know how I tend to ramble and make no sense from time to time.
Love to you all! I hope you're starting to feel better also.
PRAYING for her family to find this sweet girl!!!!!
What is her "special need"?
OmGoodness Andrea, now I am shocked. I cannot believe you were loving on that little girl. My dear friend told me about her that she saw her on that website and specifically contacted me to find her a family because of her special needs and you were that one girl I though of but I didn't contact you because I know you weren't ready with D and I didn't want to tease and hurt your heart. And now I am finding out that you loved on that little girl. Please ask D to do some more searching in his soul because there is a reason why you saw her.
Maybe it's not so much a definite 'no', but rather an issue of timing.... Maybe your path is to go back to ET with D, and there you will both see aburning bush, together??? And Maybe it won't be the bush you expect, so keep your eyes open... Just a thought.
Sending hugs your way,
Kathy
Oh, Andrea this is so hard. I know in your heart how much you desire to follow the Lord and His will for your life. I also know you have such a passion for orphans in this world. I also know you love and respect your husband.
There IS a reason you held and loved on this little girl. I don't pretend to know exactly what that is. But God knows and I trust that one day, you will know too.
Keep praying for the right family for this girl to adopt her, whether that is your family or another family.
We fell in love with a girl and felt confident she was to be our daughter. We prayed and asked the Lord to provide the right family for her. He did and it wasn't ours, we missed her by 2 weeks! But guess what, OUR daughter...the one He planned for us was this girls best friend and the girl we'd 'fallen in love with' got the perfect family for her.
Only God knows these things.
He knows.
Praying for the perfect family for your little sweetie and perfect peace for you.
Love,
Laura
Andrea- I hear your heart for this little one. Sometimes I wonder if the longing in my heart will ever be satisfied. Sometimes, in my more selfish moments, I even pray for God to take it away. But, of course, He doesn't. I was ready to adopt again after we'd been home with Jacob for only two months. :) Waiting is hard - especially if you think the answer might be always be no. You have a voice to advocate for this little one and so many others. I had to realize that the longing in my heart was only going to be filled by growing closer to God. That is what I am striving for today. Praying for you as you find your way in this. Big Hugs!
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