Tuesday, June 30, 2009

What am I missing?

A large part of adoption includes loss.

The last couple of days I have been thinking alot about it.

I don't try to focus on the negative usually. I look for the positive as much as possible because there sure is enough junk in this world.

But some events have had me thinking about all that my boys no longer have in their lives...and what my roll is in trying to help them remember.

I was having a wonderful conversation with Mekdes yesterday. She works with Abshiro Kids and they are putting on an Ethiopian Cultural camp in July here in VA. Financially we aren't able to make it this year. I am really very bummed because I so want my boys to have that connection. Mekdes and I spoke about the loss not just our adopted children experience, but also first generation Ethiopian Americans living here with their birth families. They lose the language and the culture and the sights and sounds of what it means to be Ethiopian.

I suppose it's the same for all immigrants to all countries. There is a piece that will forever connect and now forever separate.

I will admit to bad adoptive mothering and being grossly remiss in not introducing more Ethiopian culture to our boys. In the beginning my excuse was too much stress with adoption related things, and then it was just not on my priority list with every day life. Bad momma. ;o)

Part of my dilemma is that I am not Ethiopian. I don't know how to speak Amharic, and there are really no Ethiopian influences here in our area. We are very diverse racially otherwise...just not Ethiopian.

I went home yesterday afternoon and went on YouTube and found some Ethiopian music videos. E was stuck to the screen. E loved it! He was dancing and smiling and just grooving to the music. He then began talking about a sister. This is the first he's spoken about any family in Ethiopia. Since his English is still forming he wasn't able to say much but he obviously remembered something. And it wasn't a sad memory for him.

N had no clue what the music was and wondered about the words they were using. Another bad mom moment. I had played the music for him in the past but he was never really interested and just would leave the room. Perhaps I should have been more consistent with his exposure?

I also found some Amharic lessons on YouTube, I want to share these with the boys. I'll bet they come in handy with our mission team. ;o)

I pray that I am more diligent in sharing Ethiopia with my boys.


Unknown said...

Hey you're not a bad mom at all, because you thought of doing it then. Just remember the fact that you've thought about it and did something about it means the world. Life happens and the fact that you want to include Ethiopia in their lives means the world. Don't beat yourself up about it. You're a wonderful mom to all 4 of your kids!

Andrea Hill said...

I am glad its on your mind. Its amazing how quickly the kids become Americanized forgetting about culture and things. Just speaking from my own experience because I am full German came here when I was 20 but my kids cannot speak a word of German.

What you started to do I think is great. Especially the music videos. I do that with my kids all the time and they go crazy happy with youtube.