Scared ....

Scared, A Novel on the Edge of the World by Tom Davis

I just finished reading it.

I highly recommend it!

It's not an easy read. But Tom is a gifted writer. He had me pulled in from the first page. It's not true story per say but it's based on true life.

I had to laugh last night as my husband came home from work at 11:15pm to find me still reading. He was trying to tell me to just put it down...those of you that love to read even, if what you are reading is painful, know that you can't "just put the book down".

I love how God plants things in your heart and then leads you along as you ask Him for wisdom and discernment.

The seed was started with Steven Curtis Chapman at a concert in 2004. He asked those questions that had us thinking about adoption. We were led through much prayer, much pain, and much hope. We testified before the General Assembly here in VA to get a law changed so that we could adopt. We are not political people...

We travelled to Ethiopia and met our son. We were forever changed.

I read There is No Me Without You, by Melissa Fay Greene and had my world rocked. I was angry. I was up on my proverbial soap box about pharmaceutical companies and U.S. greed. It seemed easier to blame the big guys.

We then travelled to pick up our 4th child, our youngest. Never in my wildest dreams had I seen myself with 4 children, much less 2 from Ethiopia and one with HIV. This was never in my realm of reality just 5 short years ago.

Since having these boys home, having E with us, I have felt God's tug... I am still trying to figure out what His tug is...where my true place is.

When I started thinking about the mission trip, I wasn't sure what kind of response I would get from others. If there would be any desire from others to go along. I just SO felt that if I could get others over there to see first hand what is happening there, that God would be able to touch them in some pretty powerful ways. The response has been amazing, we are almost going to have too many people to go on this first trip. Is that a blessing or what?!

In this post I talked about the reading I have been doing as well as the learning. I feel like I am on a road to discovery...yet I have more questions than answers. It's just not as easy as getting mad at the pharmaceutical companies and U.S. Gov't. There are SO many layers and pieces and nuances that involve the dispair that goes on in this world.

Reading 'Scared' really touched on all of the things I have been thinking...one of the characters Tagoze, a local man, touches on my new realization. The scope of the need in Africa ...all of it... is so large. It just almost seems unfathomable... the thing that I keep coming back to though, and what God keeps showing me, is that we all have a small part to play. I mean I could just hang with my boys at home, love them to pieces and say, "ok I've done my part" but I don't feel like that's what God is calling me to do. I still feel like there is something I will find while in Ethiopia this next trip. I see why God wants the widows and orphans to be helped, they are the least of these... the one's God knows become the true victims.

Boy I tell you what, when you ask God to break your heart for the things that break His you better be ready for His answer.

Go read 'Scared'...see if you are the same afterwards.