Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Tough questions...

Man, so tonight at dinner it was just me and the boys for a little while. (D was taking S somewhere)

Conversation started with the boys discussing the merits of marriage.
Well Nahom has decided he wants a wife, just like mommy. (awe sweet boy!)
E has decided that he doesn't like 'gurls', that they are gross!

We talked about being married and then having children.

Being married and having children led to some pretty tough questions... ie:
Where are my Oopia mom and dad?
Where was I born?
Why am I adopted?
Did I grow in your belly?
Did S and Z grow in your belly?
Why didn't we grow in your belly?
Did you carry me when I was a baby?
Did my Oopia mommy carry me?
Did I walk when I was a baby?
Why can't I see my Oopia mom and dad?
When am I going back?
What did my house look like?
Where are my friends?
I wish I could see my friends........... etc etc etc

They are old enough to know just enough to ask the questions and not old enough to really understand the answers.

Their stories are so very different. E remembers some because he was older when we got him and it was more recent.

N remembers nothing other than what he saw on the DVD we were given, and what we have told him. He made up some stories about his mom, that can't even remotely be true... so trying to give him reality in 5 yr old terms was a tough one.

I was so sad to have to say I didn't know the answers to some of the questions. Like what were they like when they were babies? E LOVES babies, he loves to care for them and he is so good with them. Thus the desire for a baby sister I think. ;o)

E asked for a picture of him as a 'tiny baby'. I had to tell him we don't have any. He told me to just "go in the 'pooter' (computer)" I had to try to explain that it didn't really work that way.

Geez these questions and answers are hard for my adult head to wrap around... I know it's tough for them.

I answered as best I could, and they seemed to be ok with it. I am not sure how they will take that I am going to Ethiopia without them next year. I do hope to connect with some of E's birth family while there, so I pray that I can get some answers for him to some of these questions.

Having some contact with N's family I hope will give me the opportunity to give him some more answers as well.

At times I am just overwhelmed at all that they have lost... even as I rejoice in all that we have gained.

3 comments:

Our journey following Christ said...

Tough questions, tough topic, tough issue. It's hard not knowing the answers to their questions and it must and will be frustrating for them. I am so thankful for the DVD we were given by our first agency (you, too!). I'm glad to have gotten to meet their ET mom and speak with her and hear her heart.

But we will never know all. We will never have baby pictures. I often tell Mihiretu, "You must have been the cutest baby ever!", so he knows I'm thinking about it because I know he does.

You're not alone in this.

Hugs,
Laura

Adeye said...

Oh my goodness, friend, those are seriously tough questions. I too cannot ponder them without remembering their HUGE loss. It just breaks my heart. Some days I just have no answers for my sweet girls who asks--I cannot find the words.

Heartbreaking stuff--but all part of the journey of being an adoptive parent, I guess. Not for the faint hearted!

Cat and Mark said...

Very tough. We got through spurts on these. H has some disjointed memories, but S is able to fill in for her in great detail. A has no memories - basically a slate wiped clean by the airplane ride! But he struggles. We have gotten to where we have "made up" the story as best as we are able. He needs a past so badly. It pains me that I can't give him more detail and I know this will be a constant battle for him. I hope he finds a way to find peace as he gets older and has more understanding...

Before adopting I knew this part woudl be hard ... I just didn't realize HOW hard.