So eventually I began to just ask God to speak life into me... to speak blessing... to help me remember the good.
And of course since He's faithful He did. (maybe he didn't use the earplugs, just did some eye rolling)
The pattern seems to be that we have some really GREAT event in our lives. We are washed in His love, mercy and Grace. Then something happens to steal that away. Or at least try for a period of time. I am unfortunately a SLOOOOOW learner. I fall for the trap almost every time...luckily the time that I am in the trap seems to be shortening.
I began to think about the wonderful things that have happened through this adoption. The lives that have been touched. The people that have blessed us so tremendously, that we can't even put it into words. The humbling that has occurred because of these people and His love.
Maybe we are waiting because we have more people to touch by showing them the Glory of God before we leave for ET? The glory of all that He has done for us in this process? The way He has made things happen. Perhaps this is His way of showing us that we think this process beforehand is difficult... just wait until we get Little E home? Not that Little E will be difficult but navigating life with 4 kids, jobs, daycare, and advocating for his health, will be a task that we can only do by relying on Him?
And so the pattern continues. I will rejoice in the blessing, and I will do my best to rejoice in the fear and uncertainty... because I know it's all to His glory and ALL part of His plan.