Monday, October 12, 2009
For N it was opposite's weekend.
Whatever he was told to do he didn't, and whatever he was told not to do he did.
To say that by Sunday night I was more than ready to send him to bed would be an understatement. I even went for a run at 9pm just to work off some of the frustration. ;o)
D and I had a long talk on Sunday night about what our plan would be to move forward in his care. What we can do differently. It was a good talk. We are on the same page, we just need to get more consistent with our discipline.
N wasn't verbally defiant, just chose to do opposite, repeatedly of what we said.
This morning on the way to work I felt God speak into me... "He's just like you."
oh ouch! Really?! Ouch!
I had just been saying that I was so like Paul in his actions and here I was getting upset with my son for being ...me.
It's not to say that he should be allowed to get away with those things, but I think it helps me to see why it frustrates me soooooo much. It's because I see me in him, and because I am not so happy with me... it get's reflected right back on him.
Last night we went to Z's church, and this morning I know why. The pastor spoke of our worth. Being co-heirs with Christ. I am a child of God, THE God, and co-heir to the kingdom with God! So is N!
He spoke of sin being a struggle. He said "You don't struggle with temptation you struggle with identity."
He also said "It's not a behavioral issue, it's a value issue" It's not living like you are a child of God. It's not claiming your worth as a member of His kingdom.
It's me not accepting His place in life...and it's N doing the same.
The thing is that N is 5 yrs old. I am 39. It's time for me to 'woman-up' see my worth. It's also time to give N everything I can to help him see his.
So me and my mini-me have some work to do. I have some forgiveness to ask for and some forgiveness to give.