My dad and I have one of those relationships that are not always the happiest. We can get along as long as we don't have long periods of time together. I guess this holiday was too much together time. :)
It bothers me alot that we still have to have these issues. I mean I am a 40 yr old woman, I am a forgiven daughter of Christ, I know whose I am and I know that it's best to let certain things lie. I have worked hard on forgiving his abuse as a child...the verbal abuse has calmed some as I have grown...but mostly because I don't spend time with him unless I have to...it's a constant battle though to forgive and forgive again.
What makes me sad is my kids. My kids who have a grandfather that isn't the kind like I have... my grandfather is the coolest man on earth! I think he's like the best thing since sliced bread. My father in law was that to my kids...my S LOVED her some papa... and he loved my kids. They could do no wrong, could have anything they wanted with reason and there was never a raised voice to them. Yet he's now gone and they are left with my dad.
Please don't get me wrong, I do not wish my father gone...just changed.
Yet, who am I to wish him changed? God loves him too. God loves his heart, and wishes the best for him too.
God sees the wounds that are caused...and he sees the wounds that caused his hurt as well.
I don't have a father that I can respect here on earth...but I have a heavenly father that is the best daddy ever! My kids are not shown the love they deserve by my earthly father, but I can help them see that their heavenly father is the best ever.
Every night before bed I ask them "Who is special?" They say "ME!" and I say "Why?" and they say "Because God made me that way!" then I ask them "Who loves you?" and they say "God! and mommy and daddy!" (and then N goes on to list everyone else in his life...lol)
They ARE special... I AM special... my dad IS special.
Sometimes I just need a little reminder myself.