Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Old Hurts

Well, we didn't get out of the holidays without a little spat...

My dad and I have one of those relationships that are not always the happiest. We can get along as long as we don't have long periods of time together. I guess this holiday was too much together time. :)

It bothers me alot that we still have to have these issues. I mean I am a 40 yr old woman, I am a forgiven daughter of Christ, I know whose I am and I know that it's best to let certain things lie. I have worked hard on forgiving his abuse as a child...the verbal abuse has calmed some as I have grown...but mostly because I don't spend time with him unless I have's a constant battle though to forgive and forgive again.

What makes me sad is my kids. My kids who have a grandfather that isn't the kind like I have... my grandfather is the coolest man on earth! I think he's like the best thing since sliced bread. My father in law was that to my S LOVED her some papa... and he loved my kids. They could do no wrong, could have anything they wanted with reason and there was never a raised voice to them. Yet he's now gone and they are left with my dad.

Please don't get me wrong, I do not wish my father gone...just changed.

Yet, who am I to wish him changed? God loves him too. God loves his heart, and wishes the best for him too.

God sees the wounds that are caused...and he sees the wounds that caused his hurt as well.

I don't have a father that I can respect here on earth...but I have a heavenly father that is the best daddy ever! My kids are not shown the love they deserve by my earthly father, but I can help them see that their heavenly father is the best ever.

Every night before bed I ask them "Who is special?" They say "ME!" and I say "Why?" and they say "Because God made me that way!" then I ask them "Who loves you?" and they say "God! and mommy and daddy!" (and then N goes on to list everyone else in his

They ARE special... I AM special... my dad IS special.

Sometimes I just need a little reminder myself.


Kelley said...

I can relate to the Dad relationship. My Dad isn't abusive, but distant and self-absorbed. I've never met anyone who, like my Dad, can be in the same room with you and have it feel like you're thousands of miles apart. I also had the best Granddad in the world, so I feel for my kids who are essentially ignored by my Dad.

Thank you for your post that reminds me that our Heavenly Father loves my Dad too, and can see the hurt in his heart that caused him to be this way.

Andrea said...

I totally understand. I wish my father "changed" too...

Becky said...

I could have written this as well. So sorry! The pain stinks! The desire that goes unmet also stinks! I am getting ready to write my annual letter to my dad to update him on the lives of his grandchildren that he has never met. Finding it hard to start. Thanks for your honesty. Bless you today my friend.

Meliski said...

Ok, I TOTALLY needed this one. I have been occilating between fuming and heartsick since our Christmas celebration with my dad's side on the 26th. I am not an overly emotional person, but "daddy issues" can run very deep. My complaint is the same-- I have accepted that he can't be the dad I need him to be. But what about when my precious children realize he isn't the Grandpa they need him to be? Ugh, break my heart. Thanks for this. I will probably be reading it over and over for the next several weeks. :) Oh, and I may refer back to it this summer when we see them again for 4th of July

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

Speaking from personal experience when your family doesn't represent the family you is hard work! I have no idea about abuse. I do know you are exactly right and I need to remember this more often! Thank You!

Our journey following Christ said...

Sorry this all had to resurface over Christmas for you, Andrea. It sure makes enjoying the season difficult.

I can tell that blogging does the same thing it does for me (when I take the time to do it). In writing down your feelings, you can process them and end up in a much better place with a better understanding of the situation...always giving glory to God!

Love you,