Fear and Decisions

So what do you do when you are given the answer to a prayer you have been praying for, for over a year.

What do you do when you have been given the yes?

Well, apparently when you are me, you clam up in fear! :)

If you have been following this blog for any length of time, you know I have wanted to adopt again for more than a year. I have been LONGING for it... praying earnestly, begging God to knock my husband in the head and tell him that we were wasting time. Seriously whining about the whole thing.

So, at the Orphan Summit God knocked D in the head, and I got the yes I had so desired.

The thing is we have no money. Seriously we have nothing to start this adoption with. Then I read a blog by a mom that said something to the effect that they had just enough money to pay for the application fee so that's what they trusted. So I began to pray for that, and God provided it, in exactly the way I knew He would. It's a long story but He did.

So we have the money to send in the application... and I am still scared.

We have no money!

We have a mission trip coming in June. If we go back to Ethiopia to adopt, we will have 2 trips...and a mission trip. Dude... I work a full time job, not so sure they are going to love all that time off?

I have had a burning in my heart for China for the last yr or so, which is kind of odd...not because it's China, but because Ethiopia is so etched into my soul. But those babies call to me, and I can't get out of my head that perhaps our next child is there. They may not take us, for a couple of reason's but I feel like I have to know. I feel like I need to know that they would not take us before I turn my back on that country and it's children.

D doesn't feel as strongly about China...lol... but then again he didn't want to adopt again until about a month ago. He did say that he would listen to my longing and feeling and let me explore whether China would accept us.

So here I sit...still praying...still afraid.

There is a part of my that is anxious about the time I am wasting in my fear...is there a child that needs us and the longer we wait, the longer they wait?

God has been showing us that HE wants us to move forward, I am just fearful of how to proceed... just 2 nights ago I was in a fit of fear, praying to Him asking Him what to do... I opened my devotional and the scripture was James 1:27. I am not sure it gets much clearer than that!

Will you pray with us?

Will you pray for funding, will you pray for peace, will you pray for discernment?

Thank you.