Sunday, December 5, 2010

Fear and Decisions

So what do you do when you are given the answer to a prayer you have been praying for, for over a year.

What do you do when you have been given the yes?

Well, apparently when you are me, you clam up in fear! :)

If you have been following this blog for any length of time, you know I have wanted to adopt again for more than a year. I have been LONGING for it... praying earnestly, begging God to knock my husband in the head and tell him that we were wasting time. Seriously whining about the whole thing.

So, at the Orphan Summit God knocked D in the head, and I got the yes I had so desired.

The thing is we have no money. Seriously we have nothing to start this adoption with. Then I read a blog by a mom that said something to the effect that they had just enough money to pay for the application fee so that's what they trusted. So I began to pray for that, and God provided it, in exactly the way I knew He would. It's a long story but He did.

So we have the money to send in the application... and I am still scared.

We have no money!

We have a mission trip coming in June. If we go back to Ethiopia to adopt, we will have 2 trips...and a mission trip. Dude... I work a full time job, not so sure they are going to love all that time off?

I have had a burning in my heart for China for the last yr or so, which is kind of odd...not because it's China, but because Ethiopia is so etched into my soul. But those babies call to me, and I can't get out of my head that perhaps our next child is there. They may not take us, for a couple of reason's but I feel like I have to know. I feel like I need to know that they would not take us before I turn my back on that country and it's children.

D doesn't feel as strongly about but then again he didn't want to adopt again until about a month ago. He did say that he would listen to my longing and feeling and let me explore whether China would accept us.

So here I sit...still praying...still afraid.

There is a part of my that is anxious about the time I am wasting in my there a child that needs us and the longer we wait, the longer they wait?

God has been showing us that HE wants us to move forward, I am just fearful of how to proceed... just 2 nights ago I was in a fit of fear, praying to Him asking Him what to do... I opened my devotional and the scripture was James 1:27. I am not sure it gets much clearer than that!

Will you pray with us?

Will you pray for funding, will you pray for peace, will you pray for discernment?

Thank you.


"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

YES!!!! I will....can't wait to see God's Plan unfold :)

Leslie said...

Praying for you guys. :)

Andrea Hill said...

I have been praying like crazy especially for D before he said yes and now it will all work out. I now will strongly pray for the finances. The good thing about our agency is (if you are using them again) that luckily the money will come in chunks the way its due with them. Luckily you don't have to pay that big fee until your kiddo goes to court and than you have more time for the other money to raise for the flight. I have soooooo much faith in you that you will raise up the money. Gosh I wished I wasn't so broke and could just hand you 5K to take something of your plate. I am really really happy that D will go with the flow. If you decide for China, I bet he is in because you are in. I am so happy and thrilled for you and I just know it will work out. God is way greater than that....

Unknown said...

Praying for you!

Holli said...

YES!!!! And so EXCITED FOR YOU ALL!!! my sis just brought her son home from China and he is AMAZING!! (just like her Ethiopian Son! :)) -and bio too! :)
Lots of love!!

Unknown said...

Listen to your heart. Trust yourself - more importantly, trust God. He hasn't hasn't you down yet! :)

Our journey following Christ said...

Obedience can be very scary!

You have a lot on your plate this year. I understand that. Think of my "last year." Decide to adopt, house fire, live at mother in laws for 7 months, rebuild, house inventory for insurance company, begin working full steam on adoption, husband gets paralyzed...need I go on?

All this to say, God is WAY bigger than our circumstances. He will direct you clearly as you seek Him. He will provide the finances, however He sees fit.

You're wise to ask fro prayer from your friends. We will pray...God will answer.


Tammy said...

We have friends who are in the same position. Their church is hosting a fundraising event with a speaker. They are selling t-shirts at this event for a free will donation. Also, this same family was able to to get a loan from a relative and plan to pay back this loan with their adoption tax credit. Just some thoughts. I'm excited to see how God takes care of this hurdle for you.

TanyaLea said...

So glad to get your email today and to reconnect with your blog. I am SO excited for you and the journey you are about to embark on. Absolutely will be praying for you and for the finances to be there. I truly believe that "God funds what He favors" ...He has proven that time and time again for so many on the adoption road. The orphans are His heart, and He loves to see them 'home' ! :)

Remember that "fear is not from God" keep you focus on things above and the path of adoption He has called you to... we know THIS IS FROM GOD!! Satan throws in the fear to try and kick us off course, as he hates seeing orphans come home. But keep pressing towards the mark and trusting the One who brought you to it, to make it happen.

*I.Thes.5:24 ~
"The One who calls you is faithful. He will make it happen."

Indeed, God is good and oh-so-FAITHFUL!!! <><

Blessings and Hugs,
~ Tanya