I was having a conversation with a dear friend the other night and afterwards I was a little disturbed...not with her...cause I love her, but because I know that there are still so many misconceptions out there.
We were on the subject of loving kids from hard places. I want to love some kids that are from a hard place, but it's not to happen. And while I totally understand the reasoning in my head...I just don't in my heart.
In our conversation she shared with me some examples of people that she knows who chose to parent children from hard places and ended up having a terrible time of it.
It's not uncommon. It happens. Unfortunately more often than truly anyone wishes to know about I think....however what about those kids from hard places that overcome?
I would say that all children that are older than a few months come from a hard place... even newborns can have a difficult start. But there is a huge upheaval in any child's life when they are taken from their birth parent's...no matter the cause.
It's just not natural.
MOST of these kids move into their new families with minimal issue...some have more bumps than others...but they become family.
I find it interesting that people don't sit around and talk about the mom's that give birth to children with various health issues and say "I could never give birth to a child because you just don't know what is going to happen!" Things happen inutero, during birth, genetics happen...terrible accidents happen...divorce...loss of income...illness.
It comes with parenting.
There are probably as many parenting nightmare's of kids that never experience adoption as there are adoptive parents with nightmare issues. But there seems to be this double standard of being able to classify 'those kids' the ones being adopted as being harder.
I know parents that have adopted several children and things are awesome, I know parents that have adopted one and can't seem to find the light of day because of issues. I don't speak that in judgment, just to make a point.
Sometimes kids from hard places can’t get past it. Sometimes the excruciating things that happened to them just cannot be gotten over. Does that make them less worthy of love? Does that make them less capable of healing? Certainly harder to heal, but not incapable.
I have had some pretty traumatic things happen to me…and I think I am relatively normal. (that’s another post)
I guess… what I am trying to say is… there aren’t guarantees. Ever. In. Life. If you can be prepared …if you know what you are up against… you can God can make lemonade outta lemons…even if it doesn’t turn out all sunshine and roses in the end…there is a kid out there that just needs to know that someone cared enough to fight for them…and loved them enough to do so.
Adoption does take the extra effort of loving a child that you didn’t get the privilege of birthing…there are factors that you cannot control. There are things that just can’t be fixed…there are things that leave wounds that we cannot often see.
It seems as though I am talking in circles… the short answer is that you don’t know what can happen… in birth or adoption. You cannot predict the future. You cannot say for sure how your life will unfold.
It comes down to faith. Faith in knowing that whatever happens…if God brings you to it, He can and will bring you Through it… perhaps a bit messier and mussed at the end but so much richer!