Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Bad Mom?

Way back when I started this blog I meant it to be a way to share what was happening with our adoption of N.

Then it was about our adoption of E.... then it was just a way for me to vent and get our all of the feelings that I had about having the 2 boys home and an outlet for the stress.

Then life became the new norm... quiet...ok well not quiet.. but normal. Every. day. life. living.

I have often thought about what in the world I should write about. I mean most of the people that read this...all 30 of you...lol already have a heart for the orphan so mostly I preach to the choir... I have wanted to write more about what it's like to live with a child that has hiv... but you would be bored to tears. :)

You see, I have found I am not a good hiv mom blogger. While I was in Chicago I found that I was probably not even a good hiv+ mom period...lol There were 4 of us there together, discussing our daily lives with hiv+ kids. Amazing women!!! LOVE them!

Twice a day 2 mom alarms would go off to remind them to give their kids their meds.

Um... I don't do an alarm. This is in no way to dismiss the other mom's whom I LOVE... it's me... I just don't do the alarm thing. We give meds in the morning and at night... mostly around the same time each night. But there are times when we are off by an hour or 2. Had me worrying a little bit that perhaps we were screwing something up. But when we came home our PID guy said, morning and night... at roughly the same time... so, that's what we do.

Then we were talking about emergency kits. You know the zip lock bags with the gloves, band aids and other safety things, just in case something happens with E.

Um...again... no safety bag. I wonder if that makes me stupid or a bad mom? But to be honest, I have wipes and tissues, and always have a band aids. I have always felt that if I were going to tell people that my child was not a risk to them, then I needed to act that way. I am not careless, if there is blood I use a tissue or a wipe, and I do carry band aids. But an emergency kit? nope.

Honestly things just are ...normal here.

We do have a g-tube, and it's messy. It's not really ever healed all the way, so we have to keep it covered and cleaned.

We do have meds that we give each day, twice a day...4 in the morning and 3 at night. Plus his allergy meds, and the occasional inhaler...but it's life.

So occasionally I wonder... am I a bad mom for not being stringent with meds and always being prepared?

Then I look at his little healthy face. I feel his strong arms around me as he hugs me in the grocery store chanting quietly "Mommy. Mommmmy. Mommy.Mommmmy."

I may not have it all together...but I am the mommy who loves him with all that I have.


James 1:27 Family said...

You are a GREAT mom! Emergency kits and alarms don't make good moms - love, kindness, compassion, guidance, all the things you do - that makes a good mom.

Love to you!

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

You are the Mommy that God picked- how could you be bad? You are a normal mommy to me!!! Who loves her children with all that you are :)

Cindy said...

I love reading about anything and everything that is on my friends heart. And it doesnt matter that we have usually talked about alot of it in our daily texts and emails...I still love to read what you write, no matter what it is. And you are an amazing mom! We all have different personalities, and how we deal with life is based on our unique personality. You are more laid back with this stuff...that's not bad, and there is nothing wrong with that. You are not harming your children. You love them, care for them, and I know you would give them the world if you could. You inspire me. :)

Anonymous said...

Well - you may or may not be happy to hear that the alarm is no more! I realized something in Chicago, something that I hadn't fully embraced since we came home a year ago - I am a good mom and I can handle this just fine. Yep - I've missed a couple of doses here and there [even with that crazy alarm!] but the world didn't come to an end! I never have gotten it together fully - still have nothing remotely resembling an emergency kit LOL. But Amy hit it right on the head - its about loving the children that God has brought to us and giving them our best every day. That perfect mommy doesn't exist - thank goodness!!! {{{HUGS}}} Audrey

Runner Mom said...

How precious! You, my friend, are a great mom!!! What a blessing you are to me and so many others!

We would have loved for you to have been with us in the mountains this weekend. Hopefully, another opp will occur soon--maybe the spring??? Just pray!

Anonymous said...

Nope, not a bad mom. I think there are three very distint personalities one which has a need to control (I don't mean that in a bad way) situations, ensure everything goes to plan etc and the others who are just trusting it will all come to plan and whose plan is more flexible. I grew up with a type A mom and vowed not to be one, slowly but surely I've graduated to type B *although I'm now exceptionally relaxed and may be a type Z- ha!* and I just trust. I get that in some situations we need to be more "in control" but as a person I just live on faith and trust now, I figure in the end things are always pretty much OK and unless you are really taking your eye off the ball (which I have occasionally seen in parents - we'll call that type L (aka Lazy!) where they don't bother to do it at all) then I kind of think doing it in the most relaxed way is a pretty good way to live!
BTW I don't think having an alarm is type A, just highlighting different personalities will have different methods! :)
p.s. you are a G.R.E.A.T mum as we would say ;)