Mommy Moments

This past weekend was so very busy.

We had Z’s graduation, Soccer games, church, 2 birthday parties on Sunday and then another church service for Z.

I had some really proud moments, I am so very proud of all my kids. Z has had to tackle so much to get to where he is. Growing up for him was hard, but he’s such an amazing young man. When introduced to his teachers I was told what a great son I had, and then given credit. I can’t take it … he does have another set of parents… but I thank the Lord every day that I had the opportunity to introduce him to Christ. The seed was planted and it has flourished beyond even my wildest prayers. Thank you God!!

I look at his life and take comfort in the steps that he’s taken to grow. I can see how God has used him, grown him, molded and shaped him.

When we were at one of the birthday parties on Sunday I had one of those sad mommy moments. One of the parties was full of people that we don’t really know. We knew the birthday boy and one other boy, but none of the others. There was a bounce house, and lots of running and jumping and playing. At one point as E was sitting at the table with the other children eating cup cakes I wondered what the other parents would do or say if they knew of E’s hiv?

I honestly don’t think much about it on a regular basis, it is just part of our lives, but it just hit me as I sat watching him play. Would they have cared? Would they have continued to let their kids play with him? As I sat listening to the mothers talk about their children and how they protect them from things like Cartoon Network, I kind of wondered. (I don’t let my kids watch it either… it was just an example :o))

There are just those moments when I am sad for what he may/will have to deal with some day. I have seen the way children act towards each other. He’s such a great kid, as a mom I want to protect him from the ills that society can and will throw at him.

Then this morning as I was giving him his meds he asked me why he had to have the button…he doesn’t want it. I told him it’s because he won’t take his medication if he didn’t have it. He said “Me don’t need medicine. N no take medicine.”

I explained the E version of why he has to take medicine. Then the little stubborn boy that I know and love….yet makes me bonkers…says “ No me get sick!” “Me no need medicine!”

Oh how I thank God that He didn’t answer my prayers when I asked Him to take away the need for the button. Because it he ever decided to quit taking it, at least we have the button. (All 3 of my younger children have recently decided that D and I have lost all intelligence at the same time. So it’s been a tough couple of months)

I wish he didn’t have to take medicine either, I wish he could be like all the other children without all the extra baggage he has to carry. I pray that he won’t ever have to be judged by 3 little letters instead of for the amazing, sweet, loving, crazy, funny, imaginative, wonderful little boy that he is.

Looking back on life… watching with mommy pain as my Z navigated the world as he knew it… I see the man he is now.

I pray that God will guide me in raising my E. I pray His guidance and wisdom and strength. I believe the stubborn streak that lives in him that says he doesn’t need his meds… and thinks mommy and daddy are never right…will serve him in the future against those that will not love him the way we do. Or more importantly the way God does.