Friday, May 14, 2010

At the feet of Jesus

My last 2 posts were not condemnation...just a glimpse at the reality.

I have been given a devotion story several times this week. It comes from Luke 10 verses 38 -42. It's the story of Martha and Mary. Jesus comes to visit them and Martha goes into worker mode... she begins preparing for guests and is in the kitchen slaving away. Mary on the other hand is sitting at the feet of Jesus. Listening and soaking all that He is, into her being.

Martha gets upset and complains to Jesus. Jesus then says: 41"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42but only one thing is needed.[f] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Martha prepared and worked and slaved thinking she had to do something special to earn Jesus' favor. Mary on the other hand wanted to sit at His feet and just be with Him.

In adoption we prepare, we worry, we wait, we research and learn and read and fret. We envision what our lives will be like when that person comes into our lives. We have an expectation. Martha expected Jesus to take her side and 'fix' Mary.

Jesus didn't do what she expected.

Life isn't usually what we expected.

Sometimes we find ourselves having to rethink what we thought life should be like.

Sitting in that Steven Curtis Chapman concert all those years ago I had no idea that life would be like it is now.

I don’t know what I expected. I went into Martha mode, I planned and prepared and read and prepared some more. I knew Christ was in my house, but I was busy preparing.

After N came home it wasn’t what I expected. I was sort of lost, wondering what was going on. I had a 2 yr old that I didn’t know…who didn’t know me. All my preparing still left me a little bit lost. It was in those quiet moments at night, when I held him and rocked him and cried and opened my heart to Christ that I was healed and given grace. I sat at His feet and basked in His presence.

After E came home and I got to that 3rd or 4th week, I was broken. I had thought I was prepared this time as well. Reading and preparing this time even more so… and I thought I knew what to expect having been there before. It was only when I stopped trying to rely on myself and just going to my knees at His feet that I found the peace and strength to move forward.

God has shown me His sovereign grace through my children. I love them with all my heart. There is no difference in the love I have for my bio kids than for my adopted ones. My bio kids keep me up at night worrying… I was once a teenage girl but that doesn’t prepare me for dealing with my teenage girl most days. ;o)

She’s amazing, but she is a teenage girl…need I say more? There are many a prayer said over her life.

My Z graduates from his first career in college tonight. He doesn’t always make right choices. There is many a prayer made over his life.

All of my children are loved by Christ, thus they are loved by me.

Jesus loved Martha. He loved Mary.

Sitting at His feet we find the strength so move in ways we never thought possible. Adoption for me has been a move that I will forever be grateful to Christ for.