Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Adoption is...the unknown

I can't tell you how many times people have said to me in one form or another that they could never adopt because "You don't know what you are getting".

Can I just say... oh good grief!.

Do you EVER know what you are 'going to get' with children? Even with bio kids there are no guarantees. You may be able to control what went in to your body while pregnant, but you still never know what they may look like, what the gene pool you belong to may bring... or even what kind of personality each child may have. I have known many a bio parent to look at their kids and go... man! Where did that come from?!

N was well loved before he came to us, he had been relinquished in August and then we picked him up in December. He was 2 yrs old. We weren't there to see him born, or take care of him those first 2 yrs. We weren't part of his birthing process or those formidable yrs of growth. There are still unknowns in his past and in his life. We have had to take a different approach to getting to know him and learning about the person that he is. Is it hard? Sometimes... but good grief, isn't all parenting hard in some aspect? We have to learn about all of our children, as they grow and form their own little personalities.

Health can be another unknown. We knew of E-man's HIV status when we chose him, but his subsequent hospitalization and health challenges were "bonus" material. Many times the medical situations in other countries are not the same as here in the US. Heck! We spent 12 days in our local 'specialized' children's hospital when we came home and even they were stumped most of the time with what to do with him.

How many parents have given birth to children to later find out they have a special need of some sort... they just do what needs to be done for that child.

For us, it was just as if we had given birth to him. We did have moments of great doubt and fear, but he was always ours and we were always focused on getting him well. Doing whatever it took. It did add a bit of a wrinkle that we spoke different languages and didn't know each other at all.

If you could see them now... my boys. My N who woke up this morning with a big old smile on his face and the first words coming out of his mouth as he rushed to hug me were "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"

Or my E-man that has to kiss both of my cheeks, forehead, chin and nose before saying good bye in the morning at daycare.

I have known parents who have adopted 'healthy' infants only to find out they had special needs and children that were to have significant special needs only to find out that they were perfectly healthy.

It's ...unknown.

Where in life were we given guarantees on ANYthing? We weren't.

I wouldn't change the life we have been given for anything. It's been hard, it's been's also been joyful and FULL of love. I have met amazing people and learned what it's like to live outside of my box.

I used to dislike the unknown...'s not so's Better than Good!


Shannon- said...

"I used to dislike the unknown...'s not so's Better than Good!"

Thank you. I needed that today.

Nicole Anderson said...

I am crying! You are so great with words, and speaking about what others are thinking. Thank you.

Andrea H. said...

What a choky good post. That is so true. We never know what we get rather it be by our belly or adoption. I can vouch for my bio special needs daughter. My first born that caused us torment for 9 straight years. I thought it would never end. Did we stick with it, heck yeah. I think that it just takes a lot of FAITH to adopt knowing to be prepared and let the unknown happen and see what God has in store for us down the line. Even if it is hard, God always has his reason why we are going through these seasons. Very sad that people are still so stereotyped about adoption!

Farmboy and Buttercup said...

Soooooo true about the unknown with ALL our kids, bio or adopted. That is the whole point, it is a walk of faith. Love reading others posts who understand this, too.