Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Adoption is ...a process

In as much as adoption is a miracle...adoption can be a hard process.

We have had some challenging behaviors. Still sometimes do. But nothing that can't be handled with the help of prayer and a little understanding.

To be honest not all the challenging behaviors were from the kids. Some of those were ours. Our reactions to things that probably could have been handled better. It's all about parenting, and in some ways parenting differently that one would normally do.

Adoption is bringing a child into your home, heart, soul that did not grow in your body. As a mother I wonder if it's the feeling a father gets not having the opportunity to carry the life in his own body. I was reading a blog today that spoke about the 'weirdness' of meeting this child you had been trying to attach yourself to through pictures and stories from others.

I do not love my adoptive children any less than my bio kids. It's just different....like the way I love my bio kids differently from each other. It's amazing, the capacity to love that God gives us. My children are mine. Period. Mine... well God's first...then mine. There was just a different process in the falling in love with each child. All of them growth processes.

When N came home I was struck by the lack of love I felt in the beginning. I didn't dislike him by any stretch... just felt mostly guilt in not loving him immediately. I spent many a night rocking him and crying and asking God to give me the heart to love him as God loved him. As I prayed God did give me that heart. My beautiful, sweet, crazy, smart, fearless, talkative, rebellious, loving, spiritual, boy is my heart. Just this weekend he said to me "Mommy, do your hands I am going to pray for you". He then proceeded to pray out loud... about the environment and keeping it clean. Not sure how that pertained to me, but I LOVE that he has the heart for prayer and for the Lord. He's recently begun to tell us "I will love you forever, no matter what!" To which we respond exactly the same. Sweet boy.

Parenting N has pushed, pulled, prodded, and molded us into new and better people. I am forever thankful for him. I love being his mom!

6 comments:

Are These Kids All Yours? said...

Oh yeah...process, but an amazing one :) feel the same way!

Holli said...

Thank you for being so honest. LOVE is more then a FEELING and for your children indescribable!
thank you for sharing!

Adeye said...

Oh what a beautiful post. Love your precious heart. Yes, parenting adopted children really is a journey. Especially when we adopt older children. Not for the faint-hearted, my friend.

Wonderful post!

Amy Jo said...

GREAT post. I definitely relate...esp. about how some of the bad behavior is on our part. So true! God uses my Chinese daughter brings out the best AND worst in me...I'm SO thankful for His grace on a daily basis!

Thanks for rejoicing with us on our ET son's court date!

Praying sweet blessings upon your beautiful family.

Tarah said...

LOVE it Andrea. Thank you for sharing from your heart. On the airplane ride to get TT, I said," I can't believe I will have no pain and just have them hand me a child." Scott said , " welcome to how men feel!"
It took time to bond after the shock of how sick and tiny she was.
Hey girl, thanks for your sweet "donation". Glad we could give to each other in such huge ways. YOU ARE THE BESTEST EVER! YOU ARE AMAZING!!!:)

Farmboy and Buttercup said...

Had to comment again! I was SO there, with not immediately loving our twins. But now that we brought their little sister home just 1.5 years later, I am AMAZINGLY blessed as I now can see the STRONG love I have for the twins now, as I now ask God to open my heart for our new daughter. I opened my heart for the twins, and I can trust that he will do it with her, too.

Take care!