And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
When I was a little girl I really only wanted 2 children. I dreamed of having 2, a boy first and then a girl, about 4 years part. It's what I imagined when I played with my Barbie and Luke Skywalker dolls.(yes it was a long time ago) And that's what I got...first. My Z was first and about 4 yrs later I had S, my sweet daughter.
In my early 20's I wasn't walking with the Lord but searching for guidance. I ordered some self help tapes, Tony somebody's, program about how to think good things into your life. Several years later I found one of my lists from that program...it had things on it I hoped to have or accomplish within 10 years. I was surprised to find that I had most of the things on the list, and the other's weren't that big a deal not to have.
In the mean time I had found the Lord and been growing in my faith daily. I began to realize that while I wasn't listening to God when I was thinking of my future children, He was listening to me. And while I wasn't asking God for the items on my list, He was listening to me. Things like a mini-van...lol I only had 2 kids at the time but for some reason wanted a van, I had NO clue I would eventually need a van to hold us all. I have the house of my dreams minus my fire place... but I can live with out it.
I have learned in my years following God that He knows what we desire. He hears our thoughts even if we don't tell Him. The thing I love about God is that He also knows what we need even when we don't. He knew that I wanted 2 children, a boy and a girl, but He also knew that He wanted me to have more. He knew I would have to get used to the idea...lol But He also knew that once I grasped it, I would hold on with both hands. He knew how I would be changed, broken, hurting for the things that break His heart.
God knows I want more children. There is a specific little girl that just keeps smiling at me in her picture that I would bring home now if I could. But now isn't the right time. I also see pictures of children living on the streets in Addis, children having lived through unspeakable ugliness. And as I form this mission team I believe God hears my mother's heart, my heart that wants to love more children. I also believe, He has other things for me to do right now.
Don't get me wrong I don't believe God is some Genie in a bottle granting wishes, giving us all that we want and desire. He's a God that wants us to be happy, He wants good things for us. He wants us to have the desires of our hearts.
I don't even begin to understand why those children on the streets in Addis have had to endure what they did while I drive my mini-van, in my house with out a fireplace. It will be one of those things I ask God when I get to heaven. But I know that it's within my power to talk to people about their hurts, it's within my power to possibly help relieve even just little bit of their pain. It's with in my power to stretch out my hands and surround them with an embrace, and tell them that God knows. God knows their pain, and hurts with them, and He loves them.