Awards

Hey look someone loves me, they really love me. ;o) JK

Actually a pretty cool woman I have "met" through blogging (obviously) shared this with me. I find it fascinating that reading about someones life makes you feel close to them. I have learned so much about my faith, and her strength through reading her blog and emails. I am inspired by her trust and her honesty. Thank you Tiffany! ;o)

Here are the rules of "Your Blog is Fabulous." I have to list/describe five addictions and then pass the award on to five others. lol, along with other's I am not sure how addictions apply to being fabulous, but I guess rules are rules?

1. Email: I am addicted to checking email. I can no longer deny it...lol I work at a computer all day and we aren't generally busy so I have opportunity to check it all day long. It has become habit and I have found that I hate to miss emails. So sad. I am working on focusing on other things for Lent however...lol

2. Blogs: I love to read blogs. I have a handful that I check almost daily because I love to see what is happening in their lives. And another 10 or 12 that I check on at least weekly. Then when things are happening in my life I think about how I might write them on my blog. I am a bit crazy...lol

3. Popcorn: I LOVE popcorn. I pop it myself. I have popcorn almost every night. I pop it on the stove in olive oil and add just a bit of salt.

4. Books: When I am not reading emails and blogs I am reading books. Maybe I could just condense those 3 things to one. I just enjoy reading a good book. I usually have at least 3 or 4 going at one time.

5. Coffee: Yes I am a coffee addict. I usually only have coffee or water to drink each day. I don't do soft drinks or juices usually so I think Coffee is the lesser of the evils...lol


Ok now I have to name 5 people that haven't gotten the award? Do I know 5 people that haven't gotten it? I may love blogs but I don't read THAT many of them...lol Here are my pics in no particular order cause I love you all!

1. Cindy. I love Cindy. I 'met' her on the CHSFS forum gosh 2 yrs ago probably. We started talking via email afterwards and found we have very bizarrely parallel lives. Not everything, but some really weird stuff. God seemed to be working in our lives at the same time in the same way and we found really awesome common ground and support in each other. When she says she's going to pray she does. Cindy's insight always amazes me. God is using this woman in amazing ways. Someday we will meet in real life and it will be like coming home.

2. Amanda. Amanda inspires me. Another fellow forum friend from CHSFS. Something about having boys the same age brings moms together. It's fun to watch them grow, fun to see them play. Amanda and I have the same broken hearts for the children and people in Ethiopia... and in the world. God uses Amanda in amazing ways. I can't wait to see how He works in her life in the future. It's gonna be good stuff!

3. Erin. I love Erin!!!Ok I am sure she's received this award like 1000 times, so I hesitate to share it yet again...lol But I mean really, how can I not? As she said once, Erin is my "person". ;o) I began reading her blog about 2 yrs ago. She inspired and wowed me. I then began exchanging emails and then phone calls, and now there really isn't a way that we don't communicate...lol She has an amazing way of sharing and putting into words the things I want to say. I love to read her blog because I learn so much, and continue to love her heart, faith and strength. Learning from her has changed my life!

4. Aaron. Can you award a guy? We met in Ethiopia on the way to the Embassy. Both D and I were impressed with this young couple back for their second child. I really enjoy reading the things he comes up with on his blog. I also really enjoy his insight, and faith in God. He's real and down to earth and loves God. And he chooses to work with teenagers...LOL That deserves respect.

5. Jen. I have only recently begun reading her blog. But love it. She amazes me in her capacity to love and her strength is an inspiration. Plus her blog is really just cute! Check it out. She's doing some amazing things with life and God is using her BIG!

ok there's 5. If I didn't choose you it's not cause I don't love you. I was trying to award people that I thought hadn't received the award, at least that I could tell. ;o) I love all the blogs I am addicted to...LOL

YAY

We got a call from Make A Wish yesterday with fun news! They were working on booking our dates when they realized that there had been some cancellations and that we would travel at the end of March as we originally wanted!!!

YAY!

We will be leaving March 26th and returning on April 1. D's 40th birthday is 3/31 so we will be able to celebrate his big milestone while there celebating E's life!

We will also get to spend time with Erin's family! That's some extreme icing on the cake!!! YAY again!

Last night I was showing E how soon we would be leaving and he was so excited. This is the image I saw in my head when I looked at him.

We looked at our Birnbaum Guides 2009 Walt Disney World Book, and he exclaimed "Too big!" about some of the images of rides... and "E?!" on others.

He was excited all night, he kept saying "Disney comin?" N is also beside himself. He will be able to ride almost all the rides cause he's so tall. And this might just be the thing to tire him out at the end of a day. ;o)

S is very much looking forward to meeting Erin's older girls and having some people more her size to be able to hang with for a while.

Always learning...

I thought I would share a few of the wonderful things about my N, since I have shared some of our struggles. In the past months of praying for him, and for us, and for his behaviors I have begun to see more and more that he's just a boy with a huge heart that hurts easily, and a huge brain that needs extra stimulation, and a huge capacity to store energy and that needs an outlet.

My N is a sweet boy. He is a lover. He just loves everyone. He doesn't like to see anything in pain. While I was sick over the weekend he tried very hard to contain some of that boundless energy, and sit with momma and kiss her head to make her feel better. He would get my drink and hand me tissues and ask me if I was ok. Last night daddy was asleep in the couch cause mommy was nice enough to share her illness with him, and N went up to him and kissed his forehead. (both boys have gotten their flu shots and they are working great!!) What a sweet sight. I think sometimes it's his big heart that gets hurt, and he reacts the only way he knows how...he strikes back. N wants so badly for people to love him the way he loves them, and when they hurt him, he takes it very personally. I can sure understand that.

He has an amazing imagination. He is always thinking up stuff that just amazes me. Two weekends ago he decided that he had 2 dinosaur invisible friends. These dinosaurs followed him every where and at times got him in trouble. ;o)

He is smarter than the average bear...lol His teacher has said that she is going to work him a little bit harder than the other kids because she thinks he needs the challenge. Last night he told us that he wants to be a builder just like daddy, but daddy needs to teach him how to do things because he won't know how to do it if daddy doesn't teach him (duh!)....lol

I sure do love this kid!!!

When we started with the behavior issues back in Oct/Nov I reacted in a defense mode I think. I felt like a failure, how could I be a good mom and him keep doing what he is doing. I realize now that there were so many factors that contributed to the melt down, and my lack of ability to 'fix' it humiliated me. Well guess what... it's not about me. Weird huh?! As we move forward I am reminded that his ginormous heart is tender, and he needs me to get over myself and stand up for him. Now this may not news to some of you and some of you may be thinking... sheesh! you are SLOW... and I would readily agree. But I am a parent that is constantly learning, I want to be the best mom, and when I found out that I may not have been succeeding I was crushed. I am over being crushed and ready to stand up again.

Back...

Sorry I have been MIA.  I started getting sick on Friday and was down pretty much all weekend. I was pretty much a Nyquil commercial. Crazy stuff.  I am not usually a sickly person, but I have been fighting to stay well all fall/winter it seems.  It started in August just before we left with pneumonia, then Thanksgiving I had bronchitis and a sinus infection then a cough that lingered for more than 8 weeks.  Down again with a virus the beginning of January and now this crazy flu stuff.  Thank goodness it seems to just be me. For heavens sake I cannot wait for spring to come so I can air out my house and get all the gross germ-ies out!  

D is working nights now so he's gone all night and sleeps all day.  So the boys and I just hung out in the house all weekend.  I know they were SO glad to get up and go to daycare this morning!  We rented Aristocats from the library and that was a Godsend although I think we watched it like 6 times this weekend.  E LOVES it!  Every time the little orange cat would do something funny E would hop off the couch and try to mimic it.  He just laughed through the whole thing every single time.  SO cute!  I think we may have to buy it.  I do have one question though...  How to 2 dogs in the french country side have southern American accents?  I mean, if dogs could really talk that is...lol  

N had a melt down at school on Friday.  I am not sure what happens but I think I am beginning to see how he has some kind of trigger, and if you can catch him early he can usually be re-directed.  But if not he goes into full on melt down mode.  I was on the phone with him at the daycare for almost 20 minutes while I tried to get him calmed.  He was fine the rest of the day. He did it again at home on Saturday, and if I hadn't been sick I would probably have handled it better.  After he was done with the tantrum I was able to talk to him about it.  Usually he is upset that he's missed something and then just goes into melt down wanting to be able to do the thing he missed. I am working with him to realize that maybe if he just took a second to breathe through his anxiety over missing something then he wouldn't make matters worse by screaming and crying.  He misses less if he calms himself.  He seemed to get that concept the rest of the weekend.  I could see him thinking about it.  Of course I know that's a hard concept for a 4 yr old but he's a smart cookie!  He also has more energy than most kids I know so getting him to take a second to breathe is hard all by itself....lol

We did hear from Make A Wish and while we aren't able to go in March when we had hoped. We are going to travel in May.  We are sad not to be able to go when our friends are, but we know it will be amazing and E will just be blessed beyond imagination.  He and N talk about it all the time.  I think S is pretty excited as well. ;o)  

I am going to go rest some more.  Have to get some strength back to get back to work.

Blessings

A

Disclosure

A dear blogger buddy asked me a question yesterday about disclosure and I thought I would talk about it here a little bit.

When we first started the process to adopt after N, we were very drawn to adopting an HIV+ child. And I have spoken before about our adoption process, and living with E having HIV.

At first only a few very close friends knew that we were adopting a child with HIV. We weren't sure how we felt about the world knowing. We wanted to protect E and quite honestly we weren't sure how the world would react to us. When we chose to tell some immediate family they threw a complete fit. We were deemed stupid, and reckless in our care for our other children. They felt there was no way we could possibly have thought this was a good idea and we better never think our children would be able to play with their cousins. It was pretty ugly.

When we heard all of this we were not deterred from the adoption, but we continued to evaluate how and when we would disclose E's status.

When spent alot of time in prayer, and to be honest in disagreement, and conversation about who should know. I chose in the beginning not to share anything about it on this blog because once it's out there I can't take it back.

After E came home and was so ill, people naturally asked questions, and I began to feel like I was lying. I don't lie well....lol So D and I discussed it some more and decided that it was better for people to know if they ask, rather than keep it a secret.

We don't ever want E to feel ashamed of something he has/had no control over. We want him to be proud of who he is as a human and a child of God. We felt that by our keeping silent we would be sending the message that there was something wrong with him and that he should hide.

There are many local people that read my blog, those of you that our our friends, and others that 'stumble' onto it. ;o) And I will admit to being a little leary of sharing this information publically, but I also felt that it has given me the opportunity to share and include education. Through reading the blog, people will know that HIV is very hard to contract. You can't just 'catch' it like the flu or a cold. After the virus reaches the air it dies pretty quickly. Transmission requires some pretty signifigant blood to blood contact, and frankly that's not probable. Normal every day contact will not endanger any one. As I have said before if we thought there would be the possibility of our other children being at risk we would not have persued this adoption.

Mosquito's aren't carriers, biting doesn't transmit, playing on the playground or with each other's toys won't do it, even a scraped knee properly bandaged isn't a danger. It's ok if he sneezes on you.. it would pretty icky, but you won't contract HIV.

I want people to realize that my child is as loveable as any other, that he along with millions of others deserve to be treated with respect, love and acceptance. If I can change the life of one other child because someone reads this and thinks "I could do that, I could love a child that derserves it" then I feel good. I first thought this was possible because I read the blog of Erin, who is now one of my very dearest friend's.

If I am able to educate just one other person, to kill a little piece of the stigma that still surrounds this disease then I have made a difference to that one person.

Not everyone agrees with us, not everyone thinks it's a good thing to share his illness, but I believe we all have to do what's right for ourselves and our family.

Here is an interview done by Bethany Interview with Hydeia Broadbent. Please take a minute to read it. Hydeia is a young lady who was one of the earliest pediatric HIV patients at a time when only a handful of children had the infection. She was adopted and has been open about her status and is an advocate for people that have HIV. What an inspiration! Thank you Bethany for sharing.

Thank you to those of you that read this blog and love us, and love our E. Maybe each of us can make a difference in just one life through education and love.

Genius and funny stuff

Funny:
It's a good thing that we don't live in the frozen tundra. We had a dusting of snow yesterday, enough to cover the ground and vehicles. I opened our front door so the boys to ooo and ahhh over the beauty. E however was not impressed. His reaction? "blech"

Genius:
N's teacher is very impressed with N's intelligence. (duh?!) Today they were doing math problems, simple ones like 2+2 and 3+1, he figured them out on his own. She then lamented over his handwriting. We had to share with her that our Z is highly intelligent, but his handwriting does not reflect that image. He writes like a 4 yr old...lol I think his brain is just too far advanced to worry about a little thing like pretty handwriting...lol So we may be looking at another gifted child. No wonder N and Z have such a bond... their great minds think alike. ;o)

Sunday

ok I am not sure I have said this before... but I really like God. ;o)

This week I had one of those days, a day where I felt like I wasn't doing such a great job at parenting.  I was impatient and grouchy and then was impatient and grouchy with myself because I was impatient and grouchy...LOL  Ever get in one of those moods?  The kind where you seem to be in a snowball rolling down hill.  I started the day thinking about God, praying for His Grace and then bam... I am fussing over dumb stuff, can't get the boys to brush their teeth, they are whining about their clothes and refusing to put shoes on.  Makes all those good intentions fly away.

Then Friday we found out we will be postponed going to Disney.  E has been talking non-stop about his trip and asking about his 'wish' and I am running out of creative ways to say 'not yet' and 'soon'.  I know once he gets there it will be the trip of a lifetime, I think I am just anxious to see the look on his face and being able to experience his joy with him. And to be honest we were supposed to possibly meet one of my very favorite families in the world there, and now it looks like that's not going to happen.  E was in the orphanage with one of their children and it would have been so grand to see them together again!  Guess God has other plans.

So this morning I was really looking forward to church, I needed some time in Gods house. And God didn't disappoint me. ;o) Worship was amazing and the sermon was good stuff.  Pastor talked about risk taking, and how God calls us to step out in Faith with him.  I will admit to being worried about thinking about a mission trip and getting people to help with financing it when our country is in such a turmoil. But if God wants us to do something we are to step out. And let Him worry about that aspect. Sunday school kind of solidified that concept for me.  I will follow Him, and look forward to seeing where He takes it.  

I just like God, I like the way He does things, I like the way the bible is relevant even today, I like the way He puts people in our lives to touch us in ways that we never knew, I like how He gives us a word when we need it, and how He gives us free will, even when His will is SO much better! ;o)

I can't wait to see how he works in on my heart to help me grow as a mother, how he teaches me yet ANOTHER lesson in patience, and what he does with this growing idea to go to Africa.

I just really like God.