Monday, March 28, 2011

Family Support...or Not

Well, finally the family has all been told that we are adopting...and no real surprises, the people we expected to support us...do. And the people we expected to have an issue...do.

So how do you deal with that? Not everyone understands adoption, not everyone is supportive of it, lots of people don't think it's a good idea. And that's ok, it's just sort of disappointing when your own family doesn't get it...even after you have already done it twice. I guess the interesting thing is the people who don't support it and why they don't. In some cases they have valid reasons...and in other's they are simply selfish points that they bring up because it makes them feel better.

N's transition when E came home was less than easy. We had terrible tantrums and out bursts. There were many issues in school and at home. N was set upside down and didn't know what to do with himself and we didn't know what to do with him either. We all learned a TON from that transition. Of course E was sick, hospital bound and needed months of extra care and attention which added to the stress of the situation.

It won't be that way this time. There are sure to be other issues, but at least we know that part won't be the issue to over come. Our new boys are both healthy. I would be lying if I said I wasn't concerned about the transitions. There are hard times sure to be had. However we are trusting God and His provision. It was a hard hard couple of months after E came home and I think we are stronger for it. We sometimes forget that we have to be intentional about our together time, however we get reminded pretty quickly.

Summer's are hard for us. When the kids are out of school we do run into issues with finding someone to care for them. Praise God for family that has stepped in and helped. But this is a concern for some family members that have been no help whatsoever when we needed help...so poo on them. :)

We aren't rich and our children may have to pay for their own college... gasp!

We aren't always the most patient, nor the most together family...however we are a family that loves. We are all pretty darn strong personalities and when those get together you can have some sparks... we are pretty sparky.

My kids know they are loved, they know they matter, and they know who loves them the most..God! They are strong and healthy and smart and beautiful.

We are a family that sometimes has to learn the hard way. I happen to believe that learning the hard way insures that you won't make the same mistake again. :)

So, we have extended family that doesn't agree...so what?

We are positive that we are doing what God asked us to, and that's really all that matters. He will take care of the rest.

"The Lord is with you when you are with him. If you seek him he will be found by you, but if you forsake him he will forsake you" 2 Chronicles 2

10 comments:

Andrea said...

We have a blended family. I have three sons. My husband has two daughters. He and his first wife could NOT have children and chose adoption. He speaks of times when some did not agree or understand. He said....after a lot of prayer GOD revealed to him that if it was okay for the SON of God to be adopted by his earthly father (Joseph) it was clearly good enough for him and his girls. We love "ALL" our children and have been blessed by their presence. God had a perfect plan and continues to unveil it, daily. My husband now has 5 kids, counting mine and NONE of them are biologically his! We are truly blessed b/c we LOVE them ALL and make NO differences btwn them. You see, GOD knew all along what my boys would need and what his girls would need. He knew the girls adopted mother would die and they would need someone who would love them as her own...and He knew my boys would need a father figure who would love them as his own. GOD is faithful. Don't allow those who don't understand to upset you. GOD understands and HE certainly has a perfect plan.
BIG HUGS,
andrea

Andrea said...

:) Thank you Andrea!!! You are a blessing! Thank you for sharing that, HE is truly the one in charge isn't He?! :)

Holli said...

HUGS FROM US!! Praying!!!

James 1:27 Family said...

"Poo on them" I love that! I'm sorry for the negativity. I guess God tells us in His word that we will be hated or discouraged when we are following Him. Still stinks though, huh?

I'm supporting you. I'm cheering very loudly all the way from Georgia. I'm so excited for all of you.

I wish we were neighbors and we could help each other out!

Much love,
Amy

TanyaLea said...

Hey, are we related by chance!?! The parts where you said you may not always have it together, strong personalities, but you know how to LOVE... I hear you loud and clear! I'm so sorry that you are dealing with those who just "don't get it" and therefore, they do not support you. It really hits me hard when I hear that. Clearly, they are not in tune with the heart of Jesus (whether they THINK they are or not!) ...because if they were, then they'd KNOW you are following HIS leading and a family after His very own heart! So "poo on them!" is right!!! ~ We're cheering you LOUD AND CLEAR from Minnesota!

Love and Hugs,
~ Tanya

Jennifer said...

First off, congratulations on starting again!

Secondly...I could have written your post myself. UGH.

We started the process to bring home our oldest (5yo little boy) in October 2010...after bringing home our youngest (19mo now) in March 2010. We started telling people in late Jan this year...and to say we got a luke warm response from family would be putting it very mildly.

Some have embraced our choice to expand our family again (so soon), others have voiced some very selfish opinoins about our choices and our life with 2 young kids in the home already. Some very harsh and rude words were exchanged between my husband and his siblings. To this day, we have not even told my in-laws for fear of the same reaction...very sad.

We both work full-time and have to hire people to help care for our two kids (soon three). We don't always have it together, we are NOT rich, but we have the room in our hearts and in our home for another child...and that is why we are making this journey again...period.

Bless you...and best of luck. Do what you think is best for you and your family - not what someone else's idea of "best" may be for you and your family.

Jen

Adeye said...

Oh my goodness....do we understand, We have been disowned by some because they just do NOT get our adoption choices. It has been hard....but as time has passed and more kids have been added, we now feel sorry for them. They are missing out on four of God's most incredible creations...their very own family. What a loss for them. I feel so sad that they make zero effort to see them :(

I would not have said it better if I tried...poo on them!!!!

:)

YOU follow Him!

Our journey following Christ said...

Your post is both honest and funny but I clearly get that you are hurt but the reactions you've received. Hugs to you for that!

There are always those who don't get it and never will. Many don't want to even try. We live in a self centered world. But your Father in heaven...He gives you His full support and blessing on bringing these 2 boys home.

Oh, yeah...I do too!! But it's His approval you ultimately want.

Love you,
Laura

Our journey following Christ said...

Your post is both honest and funny but I clearly get that you are hurt but the reactions you've received. Hugs to you for that!

There are always those who don't get it and never will. Many don't want to even try. We live in a self centered world. But your Father in heaven...He gives you His full support and blessing on bringing these 2 boys home.

Oh, yeah...I do too!! But it's His approval you ultimately want.

Love you,
Laura

Aaron said...

Read Prince Caspian to your boys and yourself. very powerful stuff. Aslan says to Lucy, Follow me, even if no one else does. Marjorie