Friday, May 31, 2013

Looking back...

I have spent the last couple of days looking back over my blog at all the ups and downs and ins and outs of our adoption journey to bring home A and B.

I now kind of wish I would have been able to find the words to talk about the process of life since then... but honestly I am not sure what I would have shared. Still trying to figure that out.

It could be that I just don't have the words. We were so excited about bringing them home. Wondered and prayed and begged and fumed and cried. I feel like God knew what he was doing in making us wait... He knew what we would be dealing with and was trying to prepare us... I sort of feel like He was up there looking at us, listening to our pleas saying "really.... just wait... it's not gonna be easy kiddos. TRUST me on this one" then like any good parent He finally gave in and was like "ok... I warned you"

Many of you know Jen Hatmaker and read her blog, cause she's good!! Here is a post at their one year mark

We are still in Stage 2...
"Stage 2: Spaz Out (4-6 Weeks – 3-4 Months)
Who knows what the straw on the camel’s back will be – maybe one more food he hates, maybe one final conversation he can’t decode, a moment of discipline, just a smell might trigger it – but something will happen, and your little one will finally lose it. Honeymoon is over. Once the damn has broken, it will flood for months.
There is screaming, kicking, hysterical hysterics. There is wailing and tantrums and full-out meltdowns. You may chase your beefy 8-year-old down the street where he ran screaming barefoot into traffic, throw him over your shoulder and lug him back home where the two of you hunker down for the next two hours, drenched in sweat, while you hold him tight and whisper love into his ears and he thrashes and yells and finally passes out. It is so helpful that your husband is out of town on this day.

Your sweet one is grieving. This is sorrow and loss and fear and trauma; it is visceral. It is devastating. You and your spouse are haunted, unshowered, unhinged, unmoored. You stare into each other’s eyes, begging the other one to fix this: What have we done? What are we doing? What are we going to do?

The house is a disaster. Your bios are huddled up in the corner, begging grandparents to come rescue them. You can’t talk to anyone. Everyone is still beaming at you, asking: “Isn’t this the best thing?? Is this just the happiest time of your life?” You are starving for truth-tellers in adoption.You scour blogs and Yahoo groups, desperate for one morsel of truth, one brave person to say how hard this in and give you a shred of hope. You only find adorable pictures and cute stories, and you despair. You feel so alone. You’ve ruined your life. You’ve ruined your kids’ lives. Your marriage is doomed. Your adopted child hates you. You want to go back to that person pining away in the Pre-Stage and punch her in the liver."

I do kind of wanna go back and punch me in the liver... 

Some of the trauma things I just can't post. The ways it have manifested in our home I can't share. The way they have left me curled in a ball on my bed sobbing uncontrollably. We have chased down the street, held 13 yr olds as they raged and other things we hadn't truly believed we would have to do. Naive I guess? 

Did we think we would be having all sunshine and rainbows with dancing unicorns? Oh heck no!! Did we know it would be hard? Yes we did. Hard to prepare for the reality. Hard to look back at those sweet smiling faces and remember the joy and excitement we felt. 

Third Day's song Tunnel comes to mind.... praying for a light. 

Knowing that there is one... 

And promising I DO have other good stuff to share ... coming soon!!!

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Some good stuff....

So it's not all been hard stuff... :) Here's some super cuteness for your viewing pleasure....

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Where we began... Food

I had to laugh after my last post about people not reading the blog any more :) Cause it's not like I have been very faithful in blogging. So that's y'all that are still hanging around ;)

So we didn't have much of a honeymoon with these guys... not sure if it was because they were already sort of comfortable with me from the visits... or if we were just 'lucky'?

Or biggest issue was food. We didn't prepare ourselves enough ahead of time to be able to accommodate their un-expected American food aversion. They didn't even like the stuff most kids do like McD's or just plain old rice. It was all different and they hated all of it... OR would put berebere (Ethiopian spice) on it ALL so that it basically masked all taste and killed their taste buds.

We were blessed with some Ethiopian friends that were willing to help us with food. Made us injera and some wats so that the boys wouldn't starve because they would literally just not eat instead of try foods.

One more so that the other... one of the guys would try and found that he likes more than the other. Is still that way... A great eater. Will even now eat green vegetables because he is wanting to be healthier.

I think one of the harder parts was having the younger guys watching us work with the older guys yet still having to eat the things they don't like. Ya know, life just isn't fair right?! :)

Trying to find the balance of helping them feel comfortable with the food, stay healthy, and yet not allow them to control the situations was an interesting dance. A lot like the Cha Cha... one step forward 2 steps back.

Happy to say they both eat almost everything we make now, and while we still incorporate Ethiopian foods, we don't quite as often. The boys have both grown like crazy and now have favorite American Fare... and always compliment me on my attempts at Sega and Doro Wat.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

8 Months home... Life is Hard

I just went back through a bunch of old comments. :) I am not even sure that there is anyone that's still reading this... or even how long I will be able to keep this up. SO SO much has happened and is happening. We came home on Sept 23, 2012. We had a beautiful homecoming. The boys settled ... for a few days. Then.... the honeymoon was over. It was like the honeymoon we had for our wedding... short and sweet. All the changes were too hard for them, food was too different, rules were too strict, gifts didn't come quick enough and clothes were not good enough. Not every day was bad, we had some good times. Enjoyed some laughs, had some bonding, enjoyed language learning together. We went to the beach for the first time. We went to the park and to visit family. We learned how to ride a bike. Started school and played in our first snow. Then the kids realized that family life wasn't as easy as they anticipated and we realized that teen parenting was harder than we anticipated... although we had done it twice before. We read all the books and did the required home work, read the blogs and looked for the answers. We are now 8 months in... it's not easier.... we are now in some much harder areas. Many I can't share because of the nature of them... and many I may attempt to share because while I still believe that older child adoption is needed in SO many ways... I believe going into it with real information is also mandatory. Even my sharing won't necessarily help... I was just telling a friend this morning who has been there done that, that it's very much like trying to describe a roller coaster. I could tell you exactly how life will be with a teen... every bump, hill and valley and still you wouldn't ever truly know what it's like without actually riding it. So.... if you are looking for more information about the older child adoption... the one that isn't all rosy and easy transition come on back... :) If not...well I am not sure how many are reading this any way and it's more for my release than anything else :) Talk to ya soon...